I have been wanting to write this blog for a few weeks now. I feel like you need to know what the Race is really like besides the pictures we post.
The race is not as glamorous as our instagrams post or other pictures. The Race is HARD. Yes we are having fun and doing adventurous things around the world, we are doing ministry in every country we are going to, but at the same time we are living with at least 5 other people. It is kinda like a marriage to these other five people – however, you see each other way more than most married couples see their spouses. Unless you are married and on the race. (shout out to our married couples, Bryce and Kimmy, Eric and Krystal!).
Community living can be a blast, but it can also be extremely hard. You share pretty much all your time with these people. Very rarely do you get time or space away from them. Sometimes time alone looks like plugging in to a movie by yourself and asking your teammates to not talk to you for a while, even though you are laying right next to them (Rachel ??).
However, I wouldn’t trade this community living for much right now. As I am working on finding who I really am and getting myself in the best shape of my life,- physically, spiritually, and mentally – I am also leaning how to express what I need and what I want.
One of the hardest days on the race for me so far has been back in Nepal. We were in the mountains and it was very beautiful. My team had team time in the boys’ room, (so we could have some privacy). It was time for feedback. Feedback for those not on the Race or aren’t sure what that is yet, is a time when you call things out of each other that people need to grow in. It can start out as something extremely scary and a place of vulnerability, but turns into something you crave to experience true growth. It typically is this time where you all sit quietly waiting for some to get the urge and strength to speak up. This particular time I had to hear something pointed out where everyone on my team was afraid to say something. I had a feeling it might be for me and it turns out it was. They were afraid of how I was going to react and what was going to happen afterwards. I will never forget the moment of heartbreak when you realize your team is basically afraid of you.
You see, the stone that I needed to have rolled away was “Fred”. I named my problem so I can be more familiar with it and allow God to help me deal with it. I would react out of a place of hurt and disappointment or misunderstanding instead of responding and taking the best of intentions from the person. This particular situation happened twice – once with people on my team and once with another squadmate. I would come from a place of defensiveness, thinking I had to always defend my self for whatever reason.
That night, having my team walk with me through this and having one of our hardest talks and feedback sessions, I know that they truly love me and are with me every step of the way. Since that night I am happy to say I left Fred in Nepal. I have not seen him come out since then. It is a nice feeling being able to walk out in freedom!
Some things are easy as rainbows and unicorns on the Race, but a lot of it is a time to grow you personally and in your walk with the Lord. Doing the fun things are great and being able to walk out the greatest commandment of going to all the nations declaring the Gospel is one of the greatest things for me to have experienced.
On this Easter Sunday I am most thankful for the stones that have been rolled away in my life. I am ready to start rolling the rest of them away. I don’t think I will ever have all of the rolled away this side of Heaven, but knowing the One that rolled the biggest away for me to even have this life is one of the greatest things I am thankful for today.
What stones do you need rolled away?
If you would like to talk or reach out please feel free to email me. I would love to hear from you and answer any questions or be able to pray for the stones to be rolled away in your life.
~Jan
