I had it all planned out. I would go on the World Race, fundraise and hopefully be fully funded before I left this month, but my plans fell through. Now I am sitting here still under the $10,000 deadline and not leaving with my squad today to Uganda. You see, last week life threw one of the biggest curve balls at me.
The money for the deadline was slowly coming in, but not fast enough. I also didn’t have enough spending money to take with me and on top of not being financially ready, I felt I wasn’t spiritually or emotionally ready to leave as well. You see, I felt like I had failed. Failed my squad for not reaching the deadline and being able to leave with them. Failed my parents who helped me get all the things I needed to take last minute and failed the people who were supporting me and expecting me to leave this month for the race.
My coach helped me dig deep and challenged me to ask God and myself some hard questions about why He maybe put a hold on providing for my trip. I wrestled with these questions for a few days and prayed and prayed. I cried, shouted out to God, worshipped, and continued waiting for Him to speak to me. Sometimes we want God open up the Heavens and give us a clear answer, but in the stillness and in the silence, you can still hear His voice if you open your heart to it.
“You are not being punished. and you are not a failure. I love you and I want what’s best for you and what’s best for you right now is to defer your trip.”
That was the last thing I wanted to hear. Especially that “d word.” Deferment sounded like a swear and left a bitter taste in my mouth. I then reached out to my coach again, close friends and a few of my teammates and they all said something similar. “You need to do what is best for you, even if that means leaving later. The Lord’s timing is perfect and He will bless you for your obedience.”
Although I felt peace about possibly deferring, I still wrestled with the idea. All the while the song “I breathe you in” by Jesus Culture kept playing over and over in my mind. It says, “When I don’t understand, I will choose you, when I don’t understand I will choose to love you God. When I don’t understand, I will choose you, when I don’t understand, I will choose to trust you God.”
I may not know what is going to happen next, if I’ll get into the January route i’m hoping for, if I’ll leave fully funded this time, if I’ll be spiritually/emotionally ready to leave in a few months, but there is one thing I do know, it’s that God loves me, and this is not a punishment. Rather it’s a second chance. A do over. You see, when life throws you a curveball, sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise! Although I’m sad not be leaving with my squad, I’m excited for what’s ahead.
I want to encourage those of you who have been thrown a curveball recently. Maybe you got some bad news, or maybe things didn’t work out the way you planned. I want you to know that God loves you, He has a plan and remember that All things work together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
P.S. Z Squad, I love you all so much and I’m excited to follow your journey as you all head to Uganda today!!
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I also want to thank all my supporters, you all rock!! I’m at $5,751 If you would still like to give, feel free to click on “support me.” Any dollar amount helps 
