Its been two years since I stepped off of that plane in Swaziland. My bag was lost. My team had been there for 2 crazy weeks. How does two years flit flutter by like that? So, here I am. Two years later. In Colorado Springs. How did that happen? When did that happen? I’ve been having what I call Colorado Crisis – the how did I get here?! what am i doing? God what are you doing?! crisis. I feel it when I’m making mini pizzas at my job. I feel it when I’m folding t-shirts at my other job. I feel it when I’m driving home. I feel it on my days off. I feel it sitting in church. I feel it when I get up in the morning. God what is this all about?
You go on the race. Your idea of God gets flip turned upside down. Your ideas of life with Jesus get spun around and shaken out. Then the next thing you know, you find yourself in America, living in suburbia, wondering how you got here. How you got from being a travelling group of Jesus followers, world changers bringing the kingdom of God to countries around the world to serving milkshakes and ice cream cones. Its kind of humorous at times. I find myself standing at the sink at work washing dishes and laughing at all of it. How following Jesus and bringing His kingdom sometimes is completely unglamorous.
Last week, I was driving home from work. After a long day of working at my full time job during the day, and my part time job at night…driving home and asking God, “Seriously, what is this all about?!” I’ve been wrestling with it. Sometimes to not question and to not need answers, to not need reasons, to not need His explanations is trust. Like when someone you love asks you to do something and you do it without needing them to explain why. Oh, that is beautiful trust. Haha, for me though, I just got to this breaking point and I was like ok God, I need something. Just something. And He starts to show me different people in History. Moses, Jesus, Paul, the Israelites. Their journey through the wilderness, the desert….all of them went through a period of wilderness, of parched desert times, of just being a carpenter, of just walking in circles, of just working.
I started re-reading the Irresistable Revolution. I got to this part where God just seared my heart. Shane Claibourne finds himself in Calcutta, India. Working at one of Mother Theresa’s homes. His job? To roll cotton balls at a medical clinic for lepers. Every day, a 4 foot pile of cotton is laid in front of him. Shane, all day, rolls cotton balls. There he is bringing the Kingdom by rolling cotton balls. Its so funny this upside down kingdom, isn’t it? Then one day, the doctor turns to him and says, “You know how this works. You have been watching. Its your turn.” So here I am in Colorado Springs, rolling cotton balls. He takes us all through different seasons and they are all good because He is good. They aren’t easy by any means. But they are good 🙂
