We all feel it. The power of I should or I’m supposed to
(fill in the blank yourself). You probably feel it right now and can apply it to any area of your life. We feel it from the world, from family, from culture, from church, from each other, from books, from magazines, from everything. That our lives should look like this, we should drive this, dress like this, act like this, talk like this, be like this, be different, be unique, be funny, be put together, go here, do this, think this, feel this. And then we get lost. We don’t even know why we do what we do or why we want what we want. Why do we feel like we have to (fill in the blank).
A couple of weeks ago, after kids camp, we went to visit a ministry in one of the large squatter camps. Imagine a huge village made up of small homes made of tin and scrap metal and plastic. We took our caravan of foreign looking people and ended up at Baraka. A ministry started by a woman named Avril. We pulled up to the property. There was a large tent and a few trailer like structures. I got out of the car and walked up to the doorway of the trailer and saw a woman with about a dozen or so babies. She was the caretaker for the babies in the daycare. There were babies that were sick, babies that were healthy, babies that were lying down, babies that were crying, babies that had crusty noses…and a baby that was crippled. I prayed for the baby that was crippled. His legs were tiny, shriveled really…with a body too big for legs that were way too tiny. His mom walked up and chatted with some of the World Racers. We prayed for her. And then we got in our cars and drove away.
And for some odd reason, the question that I felt was “what am I supposed to think?” “what am I supposed to feel?”. There were no tears, shouldn’t I have been crying? And I was wondering, geez why am I so cold hearted? why am I so calloused? but then I followed that thought line and thought why am I even asking myself these questions? WHY do I have to ask myself this stuff?! And then I realized the power of the supposed tos and shoulds in my life. How I have let my life be dictated to me by people, by things, by myself. How satan has tricked me into thinking that thats what life is…and that answers are found in that. And after I exhaled that junk…I felt like I was finally here in South Africa, in Swazi, (and soon in Mozambique). With the Lord there are no supposed tos or shoulds. That isn’t perfect love or amazing grace. Its obligation, its duty, its religion. So here I am, no answers other than that, I am Jane, a daughter of the King.
