Phew! It has been a busy few weeks. I can safely say, we have probably traveled around more than any other team or squad that has launched this month. We have traveled to five countries in just the past two weeks, Albania, Serbia, Montenegro, Kosovo, and Italy. No one planned it. It just happened that way, and tomorrow we will be on our way to our fourth ministry host. We have met and worked with so many wonderful people.
Now that we’ve been here awhile, things are starting to feel a bit more normal. We have a routine, though it changes constantly. It has made life very interesting. Our ministry has mostly been working with orphans and disadvantaged kids, but we just got back this evening from pouring cement in the Alps of Kosovo. That said, now that the initial thrill of having launched has worn off, it can be easy to schlep through each day, and let it become “just another day.” However, I have to keep reminding myself that this is not so.
Everyday is an adventure, with a lesson to be learned. Our expectation will determine whether we discover this or not. I have found that whatever my expectation is for the day, God will usually live up to that. So I’ve been trying to make my expectations great. This reality is especially hard to live in the States, where mundane routines and nine to five jobs take control. It is only here, on the other side of the world, that I am finally beginning to live this for myself.
All this expectation, however, can bear a great load of pressure. I have read many former racer blogs, and many seem to have this great depth of insight that they’ve attained on their race. This has lead to me pushing and comparing myself to what I have seen, never really being satisfied with where I am at spiritually. I feel as though I have to become some sort of “super Christian” by the end of this, and if I am not then I have failed.
God has made a very different message clear to me lately though. It’s mostly what he talks about in my time alone with him. He said he is pleased with me, and what’s more, he said he is proud of me. Very very proud. He has shown me that I have been so busy trying to impress him, that I missed the fact he already is. I can be pretty thick sometimes. I was searching for more than God’s pleasure, but what else is there? Other peoples’? That’s dumb. God has told me that all he wants me to do right now is accept his pleasure, and be. Be what he has made me to be, and be where he has planted me. No more worrying about the future, or trying to attain some unrealistic spiritual goal. My Father is pleased with me. My Father is proud of me, and that’s all I need to know.
