The past few weeks have been so amazing. God has done it again, and I am very close to fully funded. The donors are lined up and the only question is who will give the last dollar. This is quite something because I don’t have to be fully funded until December. God has blown past the $10,000, $13,000, and fully funded deadline. I am floored. People have been incredible. It has been a very real answer to prayer.
In addition, God has allowed me to quit my job, which I have been waiting to do for almost two years. This, with the fact that I launch in two weeks, has been a reason for great celebration! Seriously, not having to worry about fund raising on the race is huge. With extra time on my hands, I have talked with God a lot, allowing him to prepare me for launch. These last two weeks are going to be very peaceful, and yet not.
For as great as these weeks have been and will be, they have also been very hard. I have had to struggle and be very intentional about making God my main focus. Whenever I write, it is very easy to try to be eloquent. Writing comes easy to me, and I’m always out to make a good impression, but I am just going to say it. God is asking me to, temporarily, give up my desire to be in a relationship.
Twenty-two years I have been on this earth, and in those twenty-two years I have never had a girlfriend. This has been a source of shame for me. It seems I would always watch the other guys at church with the girls on their arms, and while I would wonder, “What is wrong with me?”
One night two or three years ago when I was talking with a buddy on the phone, he said, “Bro! That’s such a blessing!” and proceeded to tell me about all the pain I had missed out on from not being in a relationship. His words had a ring of truth to them, but I was hard pressed to believe them. It was a pretty new and counter-intuitive concept to me, but God is beginning to show me just how true my friend’s words were.
It hurts, though. Bad. It seems sometimes I can almost see my knuckles turning white for holding on to this desire. However, God continues to speak. He has shown me that I am looking for affirmation from women and not from Him. He has also shown me that I will never be able to love a woman like I should until I am letting Him love me like He should. He is also protecting me. Yes, he is saving me from the pitfalls many people have experienced, but He is also saving me from the greater pain of having to break off an already existing relationship for the sake of the race. Chalk one up for God.
I am beginning to see that there is a greater romance to be had, one that no other human can provide, and that is a romance with the Father. It’s weird for guys to think about. We don’t usually think of it that way, and when we do, it’s hard to really know what that looks like, but God is showing me step by step.
These past few weeks, I have been learning what it is to struggle well. This time hasn’t exactly been what I was picturing it would be. I wasn’t expecting to struggle until months into the race, but here I am, not having launched yet, and God is already doing heart surgery, teaching me what it is to die to my desires.
Prayers are appreciated as I continue to struggle well, but in the end, I know God’s purpose will be accomplished in me, molding me more perfectly into His image. Here’s to struggling well!
