The enemy is on the move, and I felt him more than ever during my time in India. I expected to see some dark things, but I never expected to feel them for myself.
It was around our third week in the country when I started feeling different. I started resenting the idea of ministry and praying for people. I stopped volunteering to share my testimony or preach. I stood in the back of the group when they were praying for people. I felt angry and depressed, but only during the time of ministry. I started thinking thoughts that were mean and evil. The end of the month was approaching, and I couldn’t have been more excited. I wasn’t myself, and I knew that. I wasn’t happy or joyful. I didn’t enjoy ministry or the beautiful people that constantly surrounded us. I didn’t want to pray for anyone else. I resented the idea of people thinking my prayers could do something for them.
It took about a week to realize what was happening, and after I did, I was terrified. I didn’t understand, but I knew it wasn’t of God. The enemy was attacking me. I still can’t fully understand everything, but I know I wasn’t myself. My team and I were in India for one reason- to do ministry, and that was the only think I did not want to do. During feedback, I told my team what was going on. I told them how I felt oppressed and not myself. Simply verbalizing it brought freedom, and the fear was released.
I don’t understand the enemy, and I don’t understand how he has so much power. I don’t know why we continue to believe the lies he tells us. I’m now in month five of this race, and having a relationship with Jesus is no longer an option. If we don’t stick close to Him and start really perusing him, we don’t stand a chance against the attacks. The honeymoon phase is over. Europe is gone, and I’ve got seven months left until I set foot on the states. This is it. This is my life. Living for Jesus on a daily basis is a priority. I’m at the point where I literally have to depend on God for strength everyday. I will have to fight the enemy for the rest of my life, but that’s okay because I’m fighting with the armor of God.
