January 30th, 2011
God is still good and jet lag still sucks. I went to bed around 10pm local time, wide awake from 1am to 4am, and awakened by concerned squadmates at noon, wondering where I had been all day. Again, the food was amazing! Well, by quantity, that is. Good first impression, Philippines! I was still tempted to go back to sleep after lunch though, but was barely able to resist. Thank God for these three days at base here before we move on to our ministry site in Puerta Galera; recovering from jet lag is a healing process in itself!
It seemed like a good idea to work out, so I did, and it was. At the beginning of January I had committed to doing 100 pushups each day for the rest of my life. I had already failed. But the days I missed I had made up for later but now, because of travel days and general busyness, I was 500 pushups behind. I spent a solid hour or so in the little workout area making up 300 of them. I’ll do another 300 tomorrow, or at least that’s the plan. But it did beat my jet lag for the day! Except now I’m up again and it’s 2:30am local time as I write this. There’s a 5k run to support the local ministry we’re staying at for the time; I hope I wake up in time for it! (4pm)
This evening a group of us decided to go to a mall. We were privileged enough for the contact to drive us there, but we had to make our own way back. We had our first trip on a Jeepney and on something called a Trike? Jeepneys are refurbished war cars, decorated in all sorts of unique artwork, holding up to at least 16 people, cheap, fun, local transport. Think: party limo. Trikes are motorcycles outfitted with a sidecar that normally holds 2 people, but they outfit it and the bike itself to carry up to 10 people! No, my friends, this is not the US.
We got back around 9pm, had team feedback at 10:30pm, and then my friend Shannon Taylor and I chatted for an hour so before I went off to bed, where I had some excellent non-sleep. Now I’m up writing journal entries. You know, that was the longest Shannon and I had hung out for, which just highlights one unfortunate fact of the Race that you can be 8 months into it and still not really know everyone on the squad. But that’s kind of my fault, too.
So I’ve developed a schizophrenia of sorts over the past week or so. My head is so full of thoughts that I find it relieving to just start typing them out. But when I do that God starts saying stuff too, and I’ve decided to type that out too. It’s like having a nice little instant message chat with God. Now, when I say “God starts talking,” I don’t mean the clouds part and the earth shakes and angels sing. I think that the secular world might call it the “alter ego” or “the voice of reason,” except that just because a voice is reasonable doesn’t mean it’s God; we frequently talk ourselves into sin and all sorts of crap. Anyways, I’ve been coming down hard on myself for missed opportunities in life, on the World Race, for ministry or evangelism. Whenever we fail, it’s easy to start thinking that God thinks less of us or is disappointed in us. But in chatting with God, he told me otherwise:
…
Me: Do you still love me?
God: Yes!
Me: But why?
God: Because you’re my son, James! I chose you from before the creation of the world because I love you! Don’t you see? You weren’t even created and I loved you! You didn’t have to do anything for me to love you; you couldn’t do anything — you weren’t even made yet! And if I loved you before you could do anything why do you think you have to do certain things or be a certain way before I love you now? I created you just the way you are. I knew what your life would be like, the struggles you would have, the temptations you would have, the sins you would make, the glories you would participate in with me, how you would follow me, the ways you would trust me, the times when you wouldn’t. I know, I know, I know! Don’t you see! There’s nothing you can do or be that would cause me to love you less because I KNOW every choice you have made and will make, I see it ALL and I LOVE YOU regardless of anything you can do or change or affect.
Me: I love you too. Please forgive me of my lack of faith and sins.
God: I forgave everything on the cross. It’s already done. Rest in my grace.
Me: Help me to rest in your love and grace.
God: I am, and I will. Seek me and you will find me. That is, continue to seek more of me, and you will find more of me. And I will give you rest.
And that conversation did give me some rest from my own self-condemnation. Speaking of rest, my body thinks it’s 10pm, even though it’s really 3am local time. I’m feeling as though I might have more successful sleep if I try now. Besides, breakfast is in four hours!
By the way, what God told me isn’t just for me, it’s also for you, whether you are currently a believer or not.
On the business side of things… I’m technically not fully funded, I’m remaining on the race by promise to pay any remaining balance by the end of the final month. Right now that balance is about $4,000. Please help me pay it down by donating! Also, for security reasons I’ll be out of contact for the month of March. No news is good news.
