This is a blog about who I am.

1. I’ve never written a blog before. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to start off with something catchy, and so far I don’t think I’m doing so well lol. (Are we supposed to use “lol” in blogs?)

2. In writing this blog I’ve learned that I’m quite long-winded, so below are few links to help with navigation.

3. I don’t care much for lists. That said…

 

“Who am I, then?” Conclusion and Discombobulation. <– Click this link to skip the ramblings of my mind. =D

 

Hi! I’m James Woodley, and you’re about to be combobulated!

The first thing you’ll notice is that I’m not quick-tongued; I’m a thinker. For example, right now I’m thinking: “What defines who a person is? Does what they do define who they are? Or, does who I am define what I do?” I ask this because as I sit here I’m thinking of how I would communicate who I am to someone else. My gut instinct is to say:

 

“My name is James and I’m from Lubbock, Texas, the place where God keeps wind and dirt and where very few people who live here ever escape. (I’m serious, you’ll find evidence of this when I post about how I was called to missions.) I’m about to graduate with my Master’s degree in Mathematics, and I’m working as a waiter until I graduate and go on this trip in July. I love reading and studying the bible, being outside (when I get a chance), exercise (when I get around to it), and food (I always get around to that!).”

 

But all of those are things I do, or where I live. None of those things define me. I know this because if I was a mathematician, I would desire to pursue mathematics. If I was a waiter, I wouldn’t feel like I was putting on an act as I gleefully served your every beckon and call. If I was an outdoorsman who loved exercise and food, I’d be running out in the woods like Bear Grylls jumping into rivers and catching fish with my mouth. (I love sushi.) If I was a family man, I’d want to start a family. So, I am not defined by what I do.

 

Try to think of this backwards now. “Does who I am define what I do?” If so, then what I do is a result of who I am, and thus my actions are a good measure of who I am. But I’ve already shown that this isn’t necessarily true! How hard is it to get away from this concept of “what a person does is who they are!” I think that with most people the exact opposite is true: many people do what they don’t want to do and don’t do what they want to do. (Read Romans 7.)

 

I think the most biblical answer is that a person is best represented by what they want to do. (Now, all of this is new to my mind, I haven’t thought about this before writing this blog, so if I’m wrong anywhere please tell me.)

Go and read through Romans 7, paying particular attention to 7:14-25. You see that Paul talks about having the desire to do what is good (an internal action), but cannot carry it out (an external action). For what he does (external) is not the good he wants to do (internal); no, the evil he does not want to do (internal) — this he keeps on doing (external). Now if he does (external) what he does not want to do (internal), it is no longer him who does it, but it is sin living in him that does it (external).

So he finds this law at work: When he wants to do good (internal), evil is right there with him; but he sees another law at work in the members of his body (physical, external), waging war against the law of his mind (soul, internal), and making him a prisoner (soul is in the body) of the law of sin at work within his members.

 

We see this dichotomy between inner-most desires and attitudes, which we may call the “heart,” or “soul,” or “mind,” and our outer-most actions. Have you felt this tension before? “What a wretched man I am!” Paul exclaims. Who will rescue us from this body (physical, external) of death? “Thanks be to God– through Jesus Christ our Lord!” So then, we ourselves in our minds (internal) are slaves to God’s law, but in the sinful nature (which is at work in the physical, external members of the body) a slave to the law of sin.

 

A few more passages that support this idea are found in Proverbs 16:2,17:3, 20:27, 21:2, and 27:19; Matthew 15:1-20, 23:25-28, just to name a few. Although I am tempted to post an exhaustive list of scriptures supporting this idea that who a person is is best represented by their inner-most being, I think it goes without saying that this all something we already know, if we think about it. But sometimes we forget it. When we sin we can easily forget the simple truth that we are still children of God (if we are Christians), and we can begin to pour condemnation, guilt, and sorrow on ourselves, more than what is due. Godly sorrow leads to repentance, but we can overshoot Godly sorrow and land in something that brings us down (like depression) instead of helping us to fall back on the foundation of God grace given to us through Christ.

 

(On a side note: I want to make the point that if you continue reading on to Romans 8, Paul elaborates that if God’s spirit is truly within us we will experience an outward expression of that Spirit: a lifestyle change. (Notice that he doesn’t give any timelines, though!) Don’t get it backwards. We don’t change are lifestyles to obtain God’s Spirit (salvation). No, we have the Spirit first, that free gift from God, and then our lifestyles change as a result of the indwelling Spirit. This simple truth is EVERYWHERE in the New Testament, so much so that I don’t understand why there is even debate about this kind of thing. It began with Him, it works through Him, and it’s all to His glory. “For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.”)

 

 So then, if my inner-most desires are the best representation I can give you about who I am, then my inner-most desire is to please God! Sometimes, in fact most of the time “I cannot carry it out;” I get in my own way; I become the biggest obstacle to myself. What do I want to do? I want to earnestly seek the Lord with all my heart, “doing only what is right in [his] eyes.” I want to pray with everyone that I see ailing. I want to proclaim boldly the gospel of Christ and stand like a rock when the crowd slanders me, “demolishing every argument and pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God.” I want to be a man of prayer. I want to experience and kingdom of power, not of words. What separates Christianity from everything else if not power?

 

Although God’s power has changed me as a person, taking away vices and weaknesses and yielding fruits of the Spirit, those aren’t things that are visible to anyone but me. If there is power here then I’m determined to find it. I’m talking about things that Jesus and the apostles did. People can talk and argue and debate for and against Christianity all they want and sound like they make sense– I’ve been there and nothing ever changes in those debates. No one is ever convinced and discord and malice are the only fruits of such things, that is: words. But every mouth will be shut when there is power displayed.

 

I’m not after power (but I do hope that I have the privilege of seeing is power conspicuously displayed), I’m after God. Indeed, I already have Him, but I want to grow in Him even now. This is the foundational desire of why I am on this trip. I want to know something deeper than a comfortable “American Christianity.” I want to know the raw truth of God which permeates every culture and sustains in every circumstance. I want to know what it is to have nothing to fall back on but raw faith in God. Then I want to know what happens next. =)