We all sin, that's a given, but how many of us at the same time are really trying to hear God's voice and discern his plan for our lives. If we really search our hearts and are honest with ourselves and others around us the answer to that question is probably a 'no'. Since I have begun my journey on the World Race that answer for me is a rather inconsistent 'yes'. I know that God has put me in season of listening and I confess that while I haven't been very consistent with sitting down and practicing the art of listening, I feel like there is a fairly open line of communication between myself and the Heavenly Father. I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing in that moment and then I go and have days like the last couple. Let me explain. Yesterday, before going out for ministry, my team and I sat down for several minutes in order to wait and see what God had for us to do that day. The world 'market' kept coming to my mind so I sensed that perhaps God wanted us to spend the afternoon in the market. What we were to do there exactly, I wasn't sure. The team agreed and we went down and spent some time walking around and praying. After a while we left and I felt like I had let my team down in a big way. I was so sure that's where we were supposed to be and that there would be divine appointments waiting that when they didn't happen I felt frustrated, defeated and even questioned what I had heard. Here's another example, Wednesday evening during our team time we prayed for each other but before doing so we stopped and asked God who on our team he wanted us to pray for. As I sat 2 different names of 2 different teammates came to mind and I couldn't decide which one was correct. Fortunately one of the names was correct (which I determined only after another teammate prayed for the other individual whose name had come to my mind) and it turned out to be a great time of speaking and praying truth and encouragement over one of my teammates (I hope they feel the same way, even after reading this little confession) but I couldn't help but feel like I had still missed the mark. Something was blocking my discernment and clouding the clear voice of God.
As I've said many times before, this thing called life is a process, a journey, a story. There are parts of my story that I'm not proud of, that I purposefully hide because I know the effect that they have had on me physically and, as I've seen over the last few days, spiritually as well. Sin is a very real part of every human life and so is forgiveness but it doesn't necessarily remove the consequences of our sin. One of those consequences is a breakdown in relationships. Relationships with each other and, more importantly, our relationship with Jesus. For me, this is a consequence that, as I described, has become very real to me in the past few days and one that I am working through very, very slowly. I desperately want to hear the voice of God and then be able to speak his word of life into the people around me that need it the most and to be going through this during this season of listening has been, in a word, disheartening.
