This is my life now. When I arrived in DC, it was still somewhat hard to believe. It was hard to believe that I had really left my family, friends and comfort behind to go on this adventure with God, not knowing what I would experience or how it would affect me. It was hard to believe that I was finally back together with people that I've really only known for about 6 months and yet somehow felt connected to for many years in this community of faith. Honestly, it was hard to believe how much God has provided and as I rode around the city yesterday with a couple of my squadmates seeing the sites and enjoying all that our nation's capital has to offer the constant refrain going through my mind was 'I'm here. I'm really here'. Everything that I've talked about and all of the preparation that I've done for the last 8 months has finally come together, it has led to this moment. In the process the questions have shifted from 'when are you going' to 'how do you feel about going'. My answer has been simply 'I don't know'. I have answered that way not because I'm trying to avoid the question but because I genuinely don't know. There are so many scenarios about how the next 11 months will play out that have gone through my head that I'm not sure what to think. There are so many emotions covering such a wide range that I have felt, especially over the last few days, that I'm not sure which ones to believe. I imagine that in time and with the help of my teammates they will work themselves out and I will understand more about who I am but for now it's a matter simply letting those emotions exist and be what they are without suppressing them, altering them or reasoning them away because it is emotions that make us human. It is emotions that reinforce decisions and give traction to commitments.
My race has officially begun. God has brought me to this season in my life for a reason and he will guide me through it. His purpose will be accomplished in my life and in the lives of those that I come in to contact with. Through preachers and teachers he has taught me what I need to know to get this far and with each step there will be a new lesson. God will come alive in new and refreshing way. Today begins another page of my story and another leg of my journey. The name launch is an accurate and appropriate description of these next few days as I propel full speed into these next 11 months.
