We are resting. We are sitting above the ocean looking out across the Indian Ocean and listening for God’s voice. Currently we are in Gordon’s Bay, a suburb area of Cape Town, South Africa staying with some friends that we know and waiting on God to provide the rest. It has been amazing to just sit at the feet of God and not worry about the bustle of preparing the meal for awhile.
Which leads me to the thoughts that gripped my heart recently. Can we be without doing? What is more important to God? If I spent two years of my life as a hermit on the top of a mountain, or somewhere in the desert doing nothing but listening for God and wrestling with myself- would that be ok? “Sure,” we say, but then there are the looks from people. ‘When will he settle down I wonder’ or ‘He needs to find a career’ or even ‘It only comes with hard work.’ I’m sure that in their hearts it is meant well, to encourage, to exhort so that I won’t fall into a state of laziness or complacency. But I have realized that we have looked at grace in a crazy way. Sure, it is free, but once you get it- you had better work to keep it. It is not that working is bad or wrong, in fact, it is admirable until it draws you away from seeing God. When your position becomes caught up in what you accomplish for God, or for the church or for your parents or yourself. Have I become so busy that I lose sight of the fact that God loves me just for me- warts and all, sin and all.
We had a great conversation yesterday about homosexuals. The topic question became, ‘Can you love a homosexual without trying to change them?’ Some of you might be outraged, saying that homosexuality is a sin and should be corrected. I agree that it is a sin, but when did it become our job to fix someone? Do we not believe that the power to heal someone, to change someone comes from the Holy Spirit alone? Can I just love someone without trying to change them, so that if they ask my opinion then I can give it lovingly? Or what if they never ask my opinion- do I have the right to tell them that they are wrong? I used to say yes, it was my duty but I am not so sure. My duty is to listen to the prodding of the Holy Spirit to share or to speak, but too many times I just barge in, thinking that I know best, without praying for them or loving them so that they receive. Can the Holy Spirit change a person? YES! My job is to listen to the Father and obey when He tells me something.
Like for instance, when a few of us went to the hospital in Swaziland. We arrived to the children’s ward and it was crowded with moms and dads, family members whose job it was to take care of the child. See, in Swaziland, there is so much need that the doctors and nurses administer the medicine but it is the duty of the parent to take care of the child. That means that many of them were very hungry and tired-not able to leave for very long. So we were able to get some food for them and distribute it among them- which gave us the right to talk to them. Or did it? The ackwardness of death hung in the air like a plume of smoke and each attempt to speak to them meant inhaling and choking on it. God and religion seemed like they didn’t belong there. The Almighty Creator and Sustainer of the Universe seemed too alive and too big for that room where death lived. I spoke about whatever I could and felt God say just love them. Pray for them and cry for them. After I left, I heard that one of the babies died. How do you share with that woman that God is life-giving? I can’t. But Jesus can move her heart. Lord make me listen to your words! Help me to settle down so that Imay stop doing in order to be- be your beloved son, be your delight, be worthy in your eyes without any accolades trying to buy your love. I am tired of false grace- a grace that tells me to shape up once I have recieved it, a grace that is void if you do not perform. I want real grace so that I may come to real fellowship with you, so that I can sit at the table of sinners and just eat with you. I love you Lord. Amen
By the way, thank you to all of you that wanted to contribute and did. Thank you to all of you that have prayed for me on this trip. Thank you to all of you for listening to the Lord as He directs you. If there is anything that I have learned on this trip, it is this- that God speaks to everyone for different places and different times to do different things. There is never a spirit of guilt and shame to accompany that. Listen to God even when it is different than what you want. Love you all.
