I’m on a bus in China. I look out of the window and I see my ex-girlfriend.
My heart is racing!
“You’re kidding me! What is she doing here?” I think to myself.
You see, it’s rare that I get close to anyone. I’ve gotten used to being by myself. Traveling by myself. Eating by myself. Going to the movies by myself. In fact, I don’t have any real close friends.
Although I desire close friendships, I’ve recognized that over the years I’ve developed a hard heart for everyone because of past hurts…mostly from relationships.
A few years ago, I was in a relationship that had spanned a few years. We had our ups-and-downs but overall it was good.
However, truth be told, I get really nervous when I see or hear anything that reminds me of this girl.
Crazy thing is, if prior to my world race trip you told me I was still carrying wounds from years ago, I would have rolled my eyes and looked at you like you were from crazy town.
It’s really amazing how long words stay with us.
I don’t remember the exact words she said but I remember her saying something along the lines of “He (the other guy) is just really interesting and brings more significant things to the table than you.“
I remember the exact moment when she said that but again, if you would have asked, I would have told you I was over it.
She probably doesn’t remember that. That was years ago. Who cares?
I do.
I haven’t seen her in years but when there is the slightest possibility that we could see each other, I’m flooded with an overwhelming desire to want to prove myself to her.
I want her to know I matter. I want to show her my resume and accomplishments. I want to prove to her, years later that I DO bring something significant to the table.
Although I am halfway around the world, I write this blog because I thought I saw her yesterday. It wasn’t her but I learned a very valuable lesson. I realized how much I had been trying to undo what she said to me years ago.
Until that moment, I never understood why I had this unhealthy compulsion to prove myself to strangers. Now I realize I was just trying to manage a ‘word wound’ I sustained years ago.
Practically speaking, this means whenever I’m in a situation with people who don’t know me, I constantly try to make sure they know that I bring something significant to the table. I need them to know that I do matter.
All because of what she said.
Words hurt. Words wound. Wounds scar. Scars stay with us a long time.
I wonder how many things you do today because you’re trying to disprove, prove or undo something someone once said to you.
You’re a loser. You’re worthless. You’re useless.
You’re ugly. You’re so dumb. You’re insignificant.
I wish I’d never _________ you. (known, loved, seen, slept with, dated).
You’re the worst ________ ever. (spouse, daughter, friend, son, brother, roommate).
What if the real reason you’re so obsessed with dating/marriage is because of something someone once said to you?
What if the reason you live at the gym is because of what happened in junior high gym class?
What if you’re a workaholic because dad said you’d never amount to anything and you’re trying to prove him wrong?
I don’t care how old you are or how confident you think you are, I think if you dig deep down, you’ll find some words that you’re trying to undo.
For me, realizing what I’ve been trying to undo over the years has been so incredibly freeing.
I can now walk into situations and be better equipped (with the gospel) to deal with this lingering wound but none of that would have happened if I couldn’t identity my scars.
I’m hoping this opens up doors and starting today you’ll be able to identify ‘word wounds’ you sustained in the past and link them to why you respond the way you do in certain situations.
I know it’s tough but please, try it and be honest. First tell me…
What are some of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to you?
Also, how do you think that affects you today?
(I know these ‘confessions’ can be personal, so feel free to comment anonymously. Just write “anonymous” as your name and comment. It’s that easy.)
