…also known as the worst blog I’ve ever written.
Blogging…
Air-ing my mess…
Writing about my struggles…
Posting my screw-ups…
a hang-up here…a hang-up there…hang-ups everywhere…
YUCK! Who voluntarily signs up for this!?
Blogging my thoughts and feelings has been an eye-opening experience. Don’t believe me? Try journaling privately, everyday, for 30 days and see what you write about. You start to realize who you REALLY are and how crazy your thoughts REALLY can be. (Side note: I’m a big fan of journaling and I own a lot of journals.)
However, the funniest thing about this experience is….I haven’t traveled anywhere yet.
I mean…I’m supposed to be “comfortable” here in the USA. I pack a bookbag and, literally, live out of it for a year, travel to foreign countries and God opens my eyes to how people really live…how prideful I am…how ungrateful I act…and I learn so much about who I REALLY am as a person. That’s how this works right?
MOMENT OF CLARITY: I’m going to be honest…I think I underestimated GOD! <–Don’t act like you haven’t done this at one point in your life too.
This is what I’ve learned so far (without having traveled anywhere):
1) It’s not about me and it’s never been about me.
2) My struggles and my mess are meant to help someone else.
3) Vulnerability is the easiest way to show God’s grace.
“You’re risking a lot Jamal. What if the people reading this blog think you’re cRaZy?” is what I hear from that little voice in my head. (Ohhh no. Now he’s hearing voices too!? cRaZy!!!)
I admit it, I’m not a great writer. And I should take a class on blogging etiquette and grammer because this is out of my league.
I admit it, you lose me if you use too many big words. I need things to be simple. Even worse…I try to arrive at that point of simplicity as soon as I can or I get frustrated because we’re wasting time.
I admit it, I am struggling with a few bad habits that have resulted in repeated waves of guilt and shame and make you want to crawl into the fetal position. I only wish my fetal position was as graceful as the ballerina above.
But I’ve learned through this blog that my screw-ups and failures have served as a door to access brokenness for others.The more I share my story, the more I come to find that everyone is struggling with some sort of issue in the privacy of their own mind.
I’ve received emails from people that I’ve never met, that don’t live in the USA, or speak the same language. But the emails explain how my failures have opened the doors to sharing their stories…stories about relationships, eating disorders, sexual issues, and abuse.
And on the heels of these words are further confessions of hate, jealousy, envy, unforgiveness, bitterness, and rejection.
I love the emails. I love the comments. And just as much as you like hearing about my screw-ups, I enjoy hearing your journal entries too. It lets me know that I’m not the only person in need of some serious grace and mercy.
James 5:16 instructs us, “confess your faults to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed…”
Powerful, huh!?
I saw it last week as I spoke to a church about my upcoming World Race. I spoke about how I’ve experienced God’s grace on many occasions. And from there a chain reaction ensued. The scent of freedom in the air became contagious. People began giving testimonies…issues that had kept them in bondage and captives of shame.
Pretty soon the whole room was in tears; tears of freedom followed by tears of unrestrained joy.
God was moving!
There is one thing that I want for everyone reading this blog: FREEDOM!
We need to ask God to reveal the prisons in which we’ve hidden, some of us for many years. And then we need to ask Him for the courage to stage a jail break.
Confessing breaks the power that secrets hold over us. And it’s a great feeling when you are able to stand-up and let it all go. You’re dealing with more than you realize and it’s weighing you down! I’m not asking for you to “air your mess” publicly or start a blog so everyone can see how messed up you are…I’m the only one that’s crazy enough to do that! But start on a smaller scale and write your feelings in a journal.
Think about:
What holds you captive? What does your jail look like? How did you feel? What is THAT situation that you’re thinking about right now that you don’t want anyone one to know?
I promise putting words to your feelings will free you from the weight. I encourage the anonymous comments if you want to start here. *freedom is what we seek*
p.s. Those of you that have written comments and emails, I love you and I’m glad that you are reading the blog. Keep ’em coming!
