As 2013 has been coming to a close, I have been reflecting on the twentieth year of my life. This year has been particularly interesting, as many exciting changes, experiences, and people have been placed by God into my life. The same as any other year, there were ups, downs, and monotone, but the one thing that quite noticeably changed was my relationship with myself and God. It hasn't been that He has been more active in my life (as God is always passionately pursuing us), but that I have been much more receptive and obedient to His call than ever before. And because of that, this year has been the most fruitful and joyous time I've experienced.
The year began normal – I was working full time at my dad's business operating a plasma cutting table. I was living with my parents, and I owned mink that I raised on the side. Since slightly before the Christmas, I had begun to entertain the thought of the World Race. About this time, many blogs were from MNOP squads as they prepared to leave in early January. The more I read, the more I felt compelled to go. Just a month prior, I had wrecked my dad's truck. Many people told me I had been extremely fortunate for coming away basically unscathed (besides a hole in my left palm and cut in the pinky), and while I outwardly portrayed that I didn't think it was that big of a deal, I knew they were right. This incident, while I never talked about it, made me think about my life a bit – about how precious the gift of time is, and how I wanted to make sure I used the time I had effectively. At first, that didn't mean me thinking about how i could live for God, but it evolved. By the end of the year, I realized that i wasn't feeling fulfilled; I by no means enjoyed my full time job as it was, I was always living for the weekend, and putting money towards material objects (like my Jeep Wrangler), while giving me enjoyment, was not fulfilling, and that was what I lacked.
So I began to think about that race. Something that is long overdue to say, and saying it for the first time in a blog probably isn't the most appropriate place to say it (sound familiar?), but the truth is, my sister in law, Jessica, has been a HUGE influence and mentor to my spiritual growth. From getting me hooked in InterVarsity the one semester I went to school, to the spiritual conversations we've had, and to just plain watching her live out her life as a woman of God, she has spiritually fed and inspired me more than she'll know. Her addition to my life is why I'm here on the World Race. A culmination of events over the past years that I've gotten to know her, my mentality and attitude which ultimately lead me to the mission field can be greatly attributed to the work God has done through her. So, in early January, I wanted to go; I felt a longing to serve God, to feel fulfillment. But I still held back. I had my job, and I had mink. I had put a ton of time, energy, and finances towards getting the ranch started. For awhile, I spent my ten hours at work to go home and spent the bulk of time at night working on getting the ranch ready. It was something i'd wanted to do for a long time, and finally, I had achieved it. And even more so – so many people generously helped me, from my supportive family (especially my dad, who helped well past my ability to pay him back with finances, his time, and his knowledge of the trade), to a local rancher who sold me equipment and allowed me to come help him and learn from him, and to another rancher whom I bought my first mink from. I felt obligated to continue with the mink due to the generosity and kindness others showed me.
But I prayed about it, and God continued to keep the desire in my heart to go. Finally, I brought it to my mom (as my dad was coyote hunting at the time in North Dakota), and eventually opened up to everyone. Thankfully, everyone met this with grace. I was nervous, but everyone supported me. Soon after, I applied for the race, was interviewed a couple days before my birthday, and was accepted a week or so later. I was anxious to go, but I still had six months until launch, in which that time I continued to work and fundraise. Through the grace of awesome Godly people in my family, at my church, good friends, and my job, the funds quickly came in. The way I saw the funds came in was amazing – it showed me how God IS the provider who has control over the money of the world. [At launch, I had over 14,000 raised. I currently need approximately 700 dollars to be fully funded.]
Besides moving from day shift to night shift in March and breeding and whelping mink starting in late February, nothing too interesting occurred in June, when I went on a week long relief trip to Moore Oklahoma through AIM. I felt the call to go literally days before the trip began. And event hough my parents didn't recommend it, I went. It turned out to be a fantastic trip, as I met other people who were passionate about serving others and the Lord. For this week, I felt fulfillment like i never had before. Knowing that I was serving God and serving people made me joyous, and gave me a huge sense of fulfillment – sort of like how the Bible repeatedly says it will. This trip, along with making some awesome friends, got me on fire for the World Race.
In July, this little thing called training camp happened. My mind, my expectations, my life, basically everything was literally blown up. And in a good way. Read my three part series "Real, intense, spiritual warfare" to learn about my irrefutable experience with spiritual warfare and the triumph Jesus has over the enemy. From the many lectures, to the physical activities, to the team building exercises, to the pouring into us the staff had done, this week was crazy awesome, and got me doubly pumped for the race. The box I had God in blew apart, and my relationship has never been the same since.
And now the race. I have other blogs detailing my growth and experiences so far, so I won't go much into that. But it's awesome how God orchestrated my life up to this point for this trip. All the failures, all the miserable times, all the successes, the pain, the joy, the skills I've acquired, the blemishes, the relationships, and every event that has been placed in my life was directed by God to help shape me for the World Race, where He continued to break me away from my old self and into a new creation who's identity is in Jesus Christ. God's hand is in everything, and the more I grow closer to Him and learn about Him, the more I realize it. God is so unfathomably brilliant, the way He sustains our lives and nurtures us. It is so past comprehension how genius the mind of God is, that the more I learn, the more humble i become. The way He works all things together for our good is a true testament to His great love, mercy, and cleverness.
So the biggest thing I've learned this year is this: God is awesome. He is so awesome. And the more we become intentional about our relationship with Him, the more He reveals Himself to us, and the more joyous, loved, and fulfilled we feel. Stepping out into faith that God will take care of us isn't easy. It's difficult to relinquish control to Him; to surrender our plans, our desires, and our life to Him. But when you take that step and do it, you never regret it. God has awesome things for each and every one of us, but until we give ourselves as a living sacrifice to Him, we can't find the beauty of them. We all struggle with giving it all to God, but thankfully God is a God of understanding and grace. He simply asks for our obedience, and has patience and grace beyond measure in the midst of our failures. But as we slowly step more and more into faith, God reveals Himself and His direction for us, and it becomes much easier to trust Him.
So with 2014 on the horizon, I literally cannot wait for what God has for me. i will be spending the bulk of it on the World Race, seeing new countries, ministering to His people, experiences new cultures, and having God cultivate me into who He wants me to be. With my relationship with Him growing faster and more intimate than ever before, I am ecstatic to see what He has for me. Life is good; so good. Choosing to live with God is the best and most important decision you can make. So tomorrow, a new start begins. A brand new year. Resolutions? Can't say I've ever made a formal one, but I definitely want to be disciplined and steadfast in serving the Lord our God more passionately and more intentionally than ever before. I want Him to work through me to accomplish whatever He wishes; to spread His kingdom here on earth, to be an ambassador for Christ wherever I go, to see people through the eyes of God, to love people unconditionally, and to love God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength (Deuteronomy 6:5 & Matthew 22:37).
