This month my team has been blessed with the privilege of visiting four different villages in the Andhra Pradesh region of India. We have lived in churches with different pastors and their families. These churches are also home to ten precious children that are either orphans or have been taken out of bad situations. Through the organization we are working with this month, all the children go to school and learn English and are brought up in a home where Jesus is the focus.
Along with getting to know the girls, reading bible stories and showing love to them our team has also spent time with people in the village. The dynamic of each village is always different but one thing was always the same. The request for prayer. At the end of each church service, village meeting, or team walk – people flocked to us for prayer. People even came to our tents and asked for prayer at the church we were staying in.
I love praying with people and I have no doubt that God hears our prayers and He can heal and do the unimaginable. But at the end of our third week in India our team had prayed for more people than I ever thought possible. As soon as a church service ends everyone flocks to us to pray blessings over them. I could watch the same person that I just prayed for go to each of my six team members and have them pray the same prayer. And in all honesty I felt so frustrated. My heart wants these sweet people to know that they can talk to God. That they do not need a white american girl to lay a hand on their head and pray blessings over them. I want them all to know God in such a personal way that they can bow their head and pray to their Father in heaven. I want them to know that once they are a believer the Holy Spirit lives inside of them and they can turn to God and speak directly to Him, and that He talks back to them too.
On Sunday my team mate Shelby and I even demonstrated in the middle of preaching how to pray for each other in hopes that they to could pray for one another and grow in community. We then asked them to pray for the people around them, but the room remained silent. The translator told us that they felt shy and did not want their neighbor to know their problems or they felt inadequate to pray. I was frustrated, upset, and confused all at once. Then I realized why. I wanted all of these precious people to know that God wants to hear their voices, when all month long all I had been doing was avoiding talking to God about a certain things. I can talk to God about my feelings, I love praying for others, but I struggle so much when it comes to asking God for small things or simply telling Him the desires of my heart. He already knows what they are but I am always scared to talk to God about it. I have believed the lie that if I ask God for something or tell Him that I really want to do this in my life I would come across as telling Him that Jesus is not enough for me. I have sang the the old hymn “He is more than enough for me” for the last five years and I mean it will all my heart. So how then could I pray and ask God for something? I was caught up in believing this lie and my stubborn self did not want to break the walls down and just talk to God like I would talk to my own dad about things I wanted out of life.
I then remember my challenge question from Alys my squad leader. On our last week in Swaziland Alys prayed for each member of our team, and God gave her a unique question that He wanted us to pray about while in India. My question from God was “what do you really want?” I knew Alys was spot on hearing this from The Lord since I had the Tell Me What You Want Spice Girls song stuck in my head all day..lol (thank you God for your foreshadowing)
Fast-forward three weeks and here I am in India finally ready to open up to God about what I really want. I know I could have easily blown the question off and just say that I what I really want is to follow Gods will for my life or some other generic answer that sounds good. But I am done with easy. I know that I will not grow closer to God without stepping outside of my comfort zone and pushing myself do to the things I am scared of. So one night after laying in my tent for hours trying to sleep I just started talking to God. I grabbed my journal and wrote out everything that was going through my head. I talked to God about some really big things I wanted or hoped for in life. I even prayed for super small things.
I remember I told God that I really wanted to go to an indian wedding, drive a tuck tuck, face my fear of heights and climb this really large water tower in the village. While I thought of all three of those prayer request silly God did not because he answered each and everyone of them. God already knows the desires of my heart but just like a parent wants their kids to come to them when they need or want something, God wants to hear our voices and ask Him for things.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you if your son asks for bread will give him a stone? or if he asks for a fish will give him a snake? If you then though you are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him.” – Matthew 7:7-11
Do not be scared that God will not give you what you want. Trust that He provides for our needs, and the desires of our hearts when they line up with His will for us.
