As my launch date creeps closer and closer (01/09/14), I am finding myself struggling to tread water in my 12 foot deep swimming pool of a ‘To Do:’ list. The preparations needed in order to leave the country for eleven months is quite daunting to say the least. Not to mention, the terrifying reality that I will not see my loved ones (or puppy!) for eleven whole months. As confusing and twisted as it may seem, the hope of a real, deep, heartbreak is pushing me forward.
I want to see God change peoples lives. That is why I’m going right? I profess to that whenever I am asked about my trip. ‘I want to share the hope of Gods love and grace to the people I am going to minister to.’ ‘I want to serve them in any way I can in oder to reflect Gods love to them and see His love in action on this earth.’
How can I expect God to change their lives though,
unless I’m willing to let Him wreck mine first?
You may be thinking, ‘Jaide, you agreed to back-pack for eleven months, away from any American comfort in order to tell these people about God, cool your jets, God will use you.’ And while I am certain that after witnessing the poverty that the people live in, the sex trafficking their children are forced into, and the hunger that they face daily. My view of life will be forever changed, and I will be motivated to help in any way I can for the rest of my life.
However, I don’t want it to stop there.
It cant stop there.
I need God to shatter my acceptance of sin, completely restructure my view on what is successful in life and I desperately need Him to break my heart for His lost people. I need it to be painful, I need my heart to hurt for the people engulfed in sin, I need to cry for the people walking towards an eternity in hell without even realizing it. I need to be reminded, on a daily basis that this trip is not about me and what I can get out of it. It is about God and the change He can bring through me. Yes, God is blessing me with the opportunity to travel and engage in many wonderful memories on this trip, and I am anxiously looking forward to them all. My focus however, needs to remain on the Kingdom, and welcoming more of Gods beloved children into it. The more I stay focused on that goal, and the precious blessing that that is, the more I will be able to endure my homesickness with perseverance. As well as keep my head above water as I finish out my preparations.
Do not get me wrong, it is not easy to pray this, because I know that God will answer it. Knowing that I have a trying heartache ahead of me isn’t exactly exciting, but what He will bring from it, I know, will be beautiful and I will not be able to imagine life without it.
Don’t be afraid to seek a little pain in the name of Christ. If it stings a bit to follow Him, you know you’re doing something right. I know it is foreign and probably sounds a bit sadistic to seek a heart break, but I challenge you to stretch yourself. Give up that sin that you know it will hurt to move on from, be the tough love that your friend or child needs even if they wont like you for it. Ultimately, trust that God has so much joy and beauty stored up for you that even if it does scare you and hurt a little, it will be well worth it.
“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;
we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be” – C.S. Lewis
Stop wondering. You wont be doing it alone. You just read how this is a journey I am embarking on. Come along side me and we will encourage each other through this adventure that God is inviting us on.
