Being a missionary can feel pretty cushy at times. Not like I want to live on the edge of death or anything, but sometimes my life here is so good that it makes me wonder….why me?
Why do I get to live in a log cabin seated in the middle of a palm tree filled estate with monkeys living outside my window (current location in Malaysia…no joke)? Why do I get to hike in the mountains of Haiti when I go on a camping trip? Why do I get to see some of the most beautiful beaches in the world? Why do I get to spend my days off riding elephants or receiving Asian massages? I mean really, why did the Lord send me?
I think a big part of me thought that when I signed up to be a missionary on the World Race I would see the world crumbling around me (and I guess some would argue we saw that in Haiti, but as you know, I saw things a little differently). I pictured visions of a decrepit Africa where children were starving, and me and my team came in and played rescue. I mean that’s why we are here right? That’s why people paid to send us around the world: to actually see the poor. And maybe not just see them, but empower them through Christ’s love. After all, Christ’s love is salvation. Christ’s love is stronger than any earthly pain. Christ’s love is our trump card.
But sometimes it doesn’t feel like we are doing any of that. Sometimes, our ministry feels small. Like helping a family run an oil palm planation just doesn’t really make a difference. Or rather that it doesn’t fit the BIG, heroic role of missionary I had dreamed of. Instead it all seems pretty ordinary.
And with it, so does God. What is he doing in this place? Why did he send me here? Who needs saving and how do I reach them? Is this me really living a life that goes without, like I promised, or is this month about living in luxury?
Honestly, I don’t always know.
Maybe I’m not doing a lot and maybe there is more. But for now, I see the lesson God is trying to teach me.
I was not sent to be anyone’s savior. Even in a hurting world, where people can provide helpful solutions, I am will never be the answer. I was sent to tell people about the One who gave his only Son so that we would know true freedom and be given new life. I was sent to tell people about the one and only, true Savior, our Heavenly Father.
But I’ll admit, some of this is a rather new revelation. When I left for the Race, I wanted to save the world. I always have. It’s been my ulterior motive from the start. But see that’s my problem. I seem to have a continual desire to steal God’s glory (I recognize that that isn’t even possible, but it doesn’t mean I don’t try). I can watch films like Blood Diamond and say to myself I will be the difference. I can live a life that is worth talking about and maybe some day things will change.
Come on. I dare you. Name any cause. I’m sure I’ve helped endorse it.
Save the animals. Help local farmers. Encourage sustainable agri-business. Ok, done.
Anti-human trafficking. Support fair trade. Protest Hershey’s chocolate. Ok, done.
Go green. Start composting. Recycle! Stop littering. Protect the earth. Ok, done.
End homelessness. More affordable housing. Ban the box campaign. Jobs for everyone. Ok, done.
But this whole thing about being a missionary isn’t about me (I thought I learned this lesson already…haha turns out it came around again). It’s not about what I can or can’t do, despite my intentions or motivations. This is about God.
Some of you may be saying, well yea duh. That’s an obvious answer. But I’m asking you to take a second look. How often do we make things that are supposed to be about God, about ourselves? When you take on a leadership position at church, do you do it because of the way it makes you feel (and lets admit, for some of the praise you will receive) or solely to glorify the Lord? When you stand for or against a political or social movement, be it abortion, gay rights, taxation, whatever; do you do it in hopes of declaring one side as “right” or with the mindset of promoting God’s love? Even when you go to church on Sunday or for the Christmas holiday coming up, is it about what you get or about what you were asked to give?
I can say I am on the wrong side of the coin most of the time. You aren’t alone. I want change to start with me and what I do. And the sick part is, God knows this, and yet he STILL lets me play a part. He humors me and includes me in his plan, even though I try to steal the credit. But I do not threaten him. He does not get angered when I step on his toes. He knows my motives are skewed but he continues to love me.
So I guess no matter where I am or what I am doing, God can always use me but not because he has to. Sometimes I trip myself with the very cape I put on to try and rescue others. But I am not the hero in this story, God is. And man am I thankful for that!
Why do I get to live in a log cabin seated in the middle of a palm tree filled estate with monkeys living outside my window (current location in Malaysia…no joke)? Why do I get to hike in the mountains of Haiti when I go on a camping trip? Why do I get to see some of the most beautiful beaches in the world? Why do I get to spend my days off riding elephants or receiving Asian massages? I mean really, why did the Lord send me?
I think a big part of me thought that when I signed up to be a missionary on the World Race I would see the world crumbling around me (and I guess some would argue we saw that in Haiti, but as you know, I saw things a little differently). I pictured visions of a decrepit Africa where children were starving, and me and my team came in and played rescue. I mean that’s why we are here right? That’s why people paid to send us around the world: to actually see the poor. And maybe not just see them, but empower them through Christ’s love. After all, Christ’s love is salvation. Christ’s love is stronger than any earthly pain. Christ’s love is our trump card.
But sometimes it doesn’t feel like we are doing any of that. Sometimes, our ministry feels small. Like helping a family run an oil palm planation just doesn’t really make a difference. Or rather that it doesn’t fit the BIG, heroic role of missionary I had dreamed of. Instead it all seems pretty ordinary.
And with it, so does God. What is he doing in this place? Why did he send me here? Who needs saving and how do I reach them? Is this me really living a life that goes without, like I promised, or is this month about living in luxury?
Honestly, I don’t always know.
Maybe I’m not doing a lot and maybe there is more. But for now, I see the lesson God is trying to teach me.
I was not sent to be anyone’s savior. Even in a hurting world, where people can provide helpful solutions, I am will never be the answer. I was sent to tell people about the One who gave his only Son so that we would know true freedom and be given new life. I was sent to tell people about the one and only, true Savior, our Heavenly Father.
But I’ll admit, some of this is a rather new revelation. When I left for the Race, I wanted to save the world. I always have. It’s been my ulterior motive from the start. But see that’s my problem. I seem to have a continual desire to steal God’s glory (I recognize that that isn’t even possible, but it doesn’t mean I don’t try). I can watch films like Blood Diamond and say to myself I will be the difference. I can live a life that is worth talking about and maybe some day things will change.
Come on. I dare you. Name any cause. I’m sure I’ve helped endorse it.
Save the animals. Help local farmers. Encourage sustainable agri-business. Ok, done.
Anti-human trafficking. Support fair trade. Protest Hershey’s chocolate. Ok, done.
Go green. Start composting. Recycle! Stop littering. Protect the earth. Ok, done.
End homelessness. More affordable housing. Ban the box campaign. Jobs for everyone. Ok, done.
But this whole thing about being a missionary isn’t about me (I thought I learned this lesson already…haha turns out it came around again). It’s not about what I can or can’t do, despite my intentions or motivations. This is about God.
Some of you may be saying, well yea duh. That’s an obvious answer. But I’m asking you to take a second look. How often do we make things that are supposed to be about God, about ourselves? When you take on a leadership position at church, do you do it because of the way it makes you feel (and lets admit, for some of the praise you will receive) or solely to glorify the Lord? When you stand for or against a political or social movement, be it abortion, gay rights, taxation, whatever; do you do it in hopes of declaring one side as “right” or with the mindset of promoting God’s love? Even when you go to church on Sunday or for the Christmas holiday coming up, is it about what you get or about what you were asked to give?
I can say I am on the wrong side of the coin most of the time. You aren’t alone. I want change to start with me and what I do. And the sick part is, God knows this, and yet he STILL lets me play a part. He humors me and includes me in his plan, even though I try to steal the credit. But I do not threaten him. He does not get angered when I step on his toes. He knows my motives are skewed but he continues to love me.
So I guess no matter where I am or what I am doing, God can always use me but not because he has to. Sometimes I trip myself with the very cape I put on to try and rescue others. But I am not the hero in this story, God is. And man am I thankful for that!
