I'm seconds away from finally stepping out onto Asian land.
This is it. The last leg of the race. Only three more months and then it's over. You're going back home.
So what are you going to do these last three months? How do you want to finish this out? Iv'e never even been to Asia before. I wonder what the ministry is going to be like. I wonder what's going to be asked of me. I honestly don't think I can do this. Can I be stretched any more? I mean Iv'e heard some crazy stories about Asia. Maybe I can just coast my way home. Ya know? Maybe I can just walk through the motions until I find myself back with my family. That won't be bad right? I mean, honestly, it would probably be best for me and everyone else. I won't risk screwing up and I won't step on anyones toes. Yeah. That's what I'll do. Plan. Made.
I step out into the airport and I walk towards the line for customs.
I. Am. Freaking. Out.
Jacquelyn. What is going on? Why are you freaking it out like this? I have no idea what to expect for ministry. What if I fail? What if I'm asked to do something that I know I won't be able to do? What if I miss something the Lord has to show me? What if I fail you Lord? I'm not going to be enough for you this month. I can already tell.
Once I'm in line for customs I realize I'm directly behind a squad mate, Jan. (pronounce his name like *yawn*)
He decides to strike up a conversation about what I think these next three months are going to look like.
Seriously? Not the time.
*sigh*
Well all right. Let's get this conversation over and done with. (sorry Jan *-*)
I respond to his question with a condensed honest answer. I say I have no idea what to expect but I'm more nervous then excited. There. That seemed like a good enough answer without getting into all of my worries and doubts Iv'e had for the past ten minutes. Sweet.
He replies that he himself has no idea what to expect, but unlike me, he's just excited. No nerves.
And now the conversation is done and we're both back to our own thoughts.
Great.
Well I mean if Jan's excited then I should be too, right? I mean he's a calm, cool and collected guy. Therefore I should follow his example.
Done. I shall follow his lead.
But wait. I can't get over the fact that I could fail my team in some way. I'm not qualified for Asia . . . at least I don't think. I mean I don't know. Iv'e never been here. I just feel like this is going to be bad. Blegh. Why am I freaking out this much? I haven't done this for any other country. What is the problem here?
I'm still in the depths of my head when I look down at my feet and I notice something red and shiny. It's extremely tiny, but oh so pretty. I think I'll pick it up. Yeah. I'll pick it up. Why not.
. . . it's a bead.
And suddenly I'm flooded with peace and comfort. I know why I'm here. It's the only thing I know. The Lord has called me and I have answered willingly.
Ohmyword, God, seriously? You are too good to me. You put that tiny red bead there to let me know that I need not worry at all. All of the doubt and the worry literally dissipated when I realized what was at my feet. And just like that. . . I felt like a warrior again.
