10 months ago I left the United States with what felt like a small house on my back. In my 65 liter osprey backpack I carried 50 lbs of what I referred to as “the necessities.” Little did I know I had two packing cubes too many and countless unnecessary items that I would never come close to using, let alone even touch. But as the months went on, the Lord took me through a unique process of abandonment. Slowly but steadily I began to “drop” things I realized I didn’t need. Clothes, electronics, makeup… Everything started to go and before I knew it I was waving goodbye to my mom in Romania as she drug my big 65 liter pack behind her back to the states. (Bless her heart)
Looking back, I laugh at what I thought I “needed.” Through this journey of abandonment, letting go of what the world tells me I need and grabbing ahold of what the Lord tells me I need, HIM, I have found freedom. I have learned how to not only say that I trust the Lord for provision but how to rest in that trust.
Laying down each item opened a new space for the Lord to fill. I began to realize that with each piece I let go of, the Lord filled me 10 fold. But I’m not just referring to the things in my backpack, but also things in my life that I have held on to. Shame, unforgivness, fear, doubt, worry, insecurity, lies….
Abandonment for me, has been this beautiful process of stripping everything I am, letting go of my control, and climbing the mountain with my hands wide open. It has been a journey of walking away from “things” and sitting at the feet of Jesus. He has brought healing, growth, and immeasurably more.
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1,2
Abandonment is sweet, and God is sweeter.
Today I stared at my stuff and laughed a little. I thought to myself that I probably shouldn’t drop anymore clothes or else I’d actually not have anything to wear the last month of the race! At first this whole process of getting rid of things began because I didn’t want to carry all my stuff through airports and 42hr long travel days. But then it turned into something else and was no longer about the weight but about allowing the Lord to be my comfort, my provider, my attention, and ultimately my life. Going into month 11th I will only have what is seen in the picture. A small backpack that holds the essentials(clothes included), my killer whale PillowPet (yes an essential) and my Taylor Swift blanket (again, an essential).
