I heard of another "Moral Failure."
The inevitable surge of rumors welled up into a cacophony of accusations. A hero of the faith that I looked up too was seen last entering rehab. As Facebook, twitter, and social media screamed of another broken life. Another fallen warrior. I stood stunned. This wasn't the first. This wasn't the second. I've lost count at this point. Brothers who had stood with me deep in the trenches, men who for years I looked up at, people of God who seemed out of my league…
They've fallen. One by one they had fallen. My stomach filled with gall at every lost soul. Would I be next? If these men of God couldn't make it could I EVER hope to maintain a life honoring God in such an overwhelming culture of apathy and darkness? If first world problems and American life could kill the soul of men who seemed so tall do I have any hope against the onslaught of this world? With the great testing of my faith being proctored in a life of luxury and health, could I ever hope to stand?
I mean… I looked up to these people so much.
When I get to heaven I fear the only one who will greet me is the Box Turtle I sharpied the gospel on in Florida while thousands cheer for these men and the wonderful way they changed lives. The turtle is named Sebastian Herbacious Clump by the way.
#AnimalfelonyFTW!
As the numbers piled higher and higher I began to see symptoms. Similarities.
"He left to live back home and work a job while he paid off school debt. Old friends, old habits."
"She decided to pursue a degree and fell in with the wrong crowd."
"He couldn't get back into church."
"He tried to save his family."
"He just took a year off to work a job and live a normal life."
Slowly it dawned on me.
This was deeper than chance. Crueler than fate. Too planned. Too common.
There has to be a cause. A reason for Satan to be absolutely devouring these warriors of the faith. So I hit the books. I studied and studied and read and read and came upon a book that illuminates Jewish Culture.
I felt consumed with a madness to know. If this was any other century I would be grizzled and cold, greeting each dawn with dusty tomes and falling asleep after hours of research.
I liken it to Gandalf wondering why the heck that whole ring thing was important at all. Locks himself in a tower. I uh, did the same.
Through my research I came to this startling conclusion. I found the missing ingredient. I found the golden ticket.
I began to see what was missing in our church, our lives, our day and age. An ancient concept that was relied upon for years but destroyed by our westernized ideals of independent thinking.
Community…
Jewish people thought that we met God in the home with other believers. We met God in community. We prayed in such a way that sometimes you only prayed in groups of ten or more men. The culture was so obsessed with community, synagogue was the local coffee shop, and instead of watching the Bachelor people went and studied Jesus together. Rarely did they live alone. They always thought about the group. The family. The town. The city. The nation.
The good that died young…
All these men and woman… these heroes of the faith… they came from intense community.
A place where everybody everyday was up in each other's business.
A place where you couldn't crop dust an elevator without hearing about it later from some random acquaintance. The most common complaint was gossip. Which usually meant "Bob told us he masturbates last week and then Steve found out and told him he is a pervert." or "Jenny likes Will! I knew it! I called it! They'll be so cute together!"
FYI for those who don't know, exposing feelings of other people without them knowing is usually not a good idea if they are introverts.
People got pissed off at the concept of having no privacy. At having the more intimate American boundaries being exposed. Yet…
How freaking refreshing to have the worst thing people do to us for once in our life be gossip and petty crimes. There were very few deep trauma knife in the back "I just did cocaine and derailed my life for the third time, hurting everyone I know and love, again." moments. I didn't ever come home to a snide remark and anger. It was never a "Beat our chest and just discourage each other" group.
Instead I heard my name yelled. First and last. Because you do that with some people. And they would hug me and say it's so good to see me. Community was coated in love and so different from much of the life we know in America.
America hates community. They really do.
Tell me, do you know your neighbors? No? Wait, yes?
Then you probably live on a farm in the Midwest or have been in the same place for thirty years if you can name everyone on the whole block. Otherwise…
I exit the door to my house and might as well be in any other unfamiliar land.
Sometimes I see my neighbor. I sigh and think "Man, we're going to have to talk about something shallow and pretend we care while secretly feeling guilty for not having a deeper relationship again."
I don't think I even know his name. I do know his daughter is a Bronie. She has a my little Pony tent.
We live in the most bizarre moment in human history I can really think of.
That is saying a lot.
I mean we have any flavor of crazy, from "Khali Ma pull the heart out" Mayans to "worship cat gods" Egypt.
The Facebook groups must have been weird back then.
Those are bizarre. I mean, they don't make sense to us. Yet, when in human history has life been near constant communication without any community? Family is a mere inconvenience instead of a priority to many people.
We no longer work to survive. We work to live. We no longer are bound to a nation and a community. We are independent. Our own gods and kings. Told we can be anything and save the world.
How many of us will rise up towards the sun on wax wings only to burn out and plummet towards a much colder grave? A generation of lonely Icarus, we leave the only thing that will help us rise, each other.
Proverbs 18… the Whole chapter kicks my independence in the teeth.
Proverbs 18:1 – A Man who isolates himself seeks his own desire, he breaks out against all sound judgment.
Ok so sometimes studies say dumb things like "No one reads more than 7 italicized words." If that's you go back. Then for penance, crack open the bible.
Drop the iPhone. You need paper.
Crack open the bible and read Proverbs 18. Powerful. Because it's the word of God. We need this stuff. It's full of anti-oughtasins.
Sorry, sometimes I think I'm witty.
I went through a dark night of the soul a couple months ago when I heard my heroes being murdered in the faith. It was as if they were systematically being hunted down and slain. I realized I was close to that too. I was so isolated.
So this book on Judaism started to tell me about old school synagogues. How Jewish people were such a group culture. I'mma get to that someday, you are possibly bored already and if you have read this far, good for you. They tell me not to write more than 500 words for this twitter suckling generation.
Can't do that. I refuse to coddle illiteracy.
All I want to say is I KNOW why the good are dying young.
I grew up thinking that my christianity was about me being a "Good enough" christian to bring something to the table.
I needed to read my bible, memorize a verse, kiss a baby, hug a stranger, give some money to a down on his luck guy in a parking lot.
Since they are always in parking lots at 2 A.M. and obviously giving money to someone who managed to get stuck in the wrong town and is smoking is a wise decision. I'm SURE he won't use it facilitate bad habits.
Then, if I hadn't struggled with purity that day and was good enough I could bring something to the church. I would volunteer for every position. I could volunteer for prayer if I had been good enough. God would bless me if I was nice. And the Holy Spirit would slowly warm up to me until the next time I grieved Him. Then, we would restart the cycle.
I found myself failing.
Not normal failing. I'm talking about… the last time I cracked open a bible was long enough to be ashamed. The last time I felt God was so long ago that I should probably ask myself if I'm in this thing for real. The last time I wanted to know Jesus deeper was so long ago it was like pulling duct tape off my hairy chest to think of Him.
No need to know why I taped my chest.
Seriously though, I fell into this stupid western theological mind-set that is KILLING our generation. You know why I failed?
I didn't have community. The answer is in the bible. Paul was obsessed with it. He kept talking about how some dudes an eyeball, the other is a foot, and I'm sure someone is a nebulous trash chute. I've met them before.
We all have a role in the body of Christ. If the cliche' meter is beeping right now, bear with me. If you don't, well your loss. I mean this is good stuff right now. It can pretty much get you out of the metaphorical burn out place that we can get to sometimes.
I always come back to this thought about my bible. It is the crux of my faith yet to get me to open it is so hard. I know it really well but even the first week after bible college I didn't touch the guy. I LOVE the bible. If it was cookie dough, I'd be all up on it. I love the bible more then cookie dough though. So it throws my mind for a loop why I can't open it up.
Then I realized…
Maybe, as heretical as this might sound to the KJV only crowd… it's not in my design. Maybe I will never wake up in the morning and just grin like an idiot saying "The book of John is my bowl of cereal and I am going to devour it!"
But I have a friend. He is like that. I can't spend more then three minutes around him without being shotgunned in the face with scripture and the book of John. After I talk to him too… for a brief time… I love reading my bible. I naturally start to open it up. I wake up and do a quiet time. And the bible starts becoming a joy to me. Yet when I stop being with that friend, eventually like glow in the dark stars, my glow fades. I lose the source of light.
Why is he so important? He's an exhorter. Straight up. The Holy Spirit is in this dude and makes him just word vomit spiritual things and encouragement that pierces the soul. I, I am one of those discerning mystical guys who is like…
"Hey this is crazy, and I just met you, but you are addicted to failure, sexually abused as a child, and love unicorns. If you need help, call me maybe?"
Discerning spirit. I can't explain it.
Others can serve so well. Some can do many things. But few if ANY can do ALL things.
So then I went back to this verse, the one that men here at every bible study about temptation but usually only memorize half of…
1 Corinthians 10:13… No temptation has seized you except that which is common to man, but the whole spirit will make a way out of it so that you may bear up under the pressure.
That's kind of paraphrased from memory. So look it up if need be.
If I jump off a cliff… there is probably not a way out. Let's be honest. I don't die when I hit the ground. I die the moment I choose to jump. The cliff is just the journey to that death.
That verse is hard to understand because sometimes sin isn't a point, it's a pathway. I looked back and had this palm in my face epiphany in Taiwan…
The moment I fail to live in community. I have failed the first step to living a good christian life and have already resigned myself to failure.
Let me say that again. Because I have a copy and paste function when I type and it's easy to use.
The moment I fail to live in community. I have failed the first step to living a good christian life and have already resigned myself to failure.
Maybe that's an uncomfortable thought. To be fair it is not even iron clad. Some punk will probably private message me and try to shoot holes in it. He better live in community though. Otherwise he is just being a punk.
I will say this though… we need other people.
We need friends to keep us from being lonely, we need others to exhort us to read the bible, we need servants to help us, we need givers to bless us. Stop being prideful and thinking you can be all of those things.
Seriously. If you are struggling… maybe you aren't good enough. Maybe you can't overcome all of your sin.
Until you humble yourself and say… I'm isolated.
My life drastically changed the day I stopped saying "I need to be good enough to do everything," and I said "I need to surround myself with a beautiful group of believers who will amplify, exhort, and empower me to just adore Jesus."
I stopped looking for books on discipline and purity. I started looking for godly men who just make me feel like Jesus is in the room. I stopped looking for strategies to be the most effective. I started hanging out with administratively gifted people and found they actually help me like calendars. Doing things alone isn't bad. But doing everything alone is.
I used to believe to experience God I should go into the woods and get alone. Now I think to experience God I should get close to people who have the same spirit in them. Goodness knows they are more interesting then trees.
It's time we stop idolizing missionaries who run into jungles, drag the wife through hell, and destroy themselves through lacking community but do something "Crazy" for God. It's time we stop idolizing monks in monasteries who know how to really live alone and in silence. I have so much to say about the power of others, the love and truth, and beauty that knowing community brings. I'll share the Jewish roots someday for why I believe this, but for the subject at hand.
The good are dying young because we believe our privacy is more important than our intimacy. We have shallow friendships with the people who share the most in common with us. We don't connect and look for ways to build teamwork and community. We instead get on Facebook, do Sunday and Wednesday, and ask ourselves why we fail…
Maybe we fail because 40-60 hours a week we are at a secular job, school, or whatnot. The rest of the time we watch Dr. Who and do random things. And maybe 4 hours a week we are surrounded by other believers. Maybe that's it.
Maybe pouring a bunch of mud into a big pot of stew will eventually turn it from stew into mud with a little bit of stew mixed in.
How much salt and freshwater can co-exist before one is ultimately the prevailing factor?
Middle of June – Noah Gundersen
Maybe pouring the world and all it's assaulting evil filth into our lives for the sake of whatever is replacing our Jesus so slowly that we wake up and realize one day… I am more world then Jesus. I used to be the other way around.
So what we need? To call up a friend and say, "Help me."
To start that conversation with the roommate that should be happening but doesn't.
To seek christians that help us and grow us. The body of Christ is for ministering to each other. Not just the world. We need it.We desperately need it.
So many good men and woman run off like Rambo to change the world and die inside. Instead of becoming a city on a hill they become a torch in a cave, destined to burn out.
I've seen a lot of good men and women fall. I've been heart-broken. I've been near it myself. It humbles me to realize I cannot isolate myself.
So Oswald Chambers once said, a quote. I'll paraphrase. I hate citing sources. Oswald is lucky enough he got his name here. He said if God ever moves us, by blood or by ink, write the movement in action.
Pretty much, if you hear a sermon and think "Yeah, yeah! That's it!"
Do more. Don't just think. Do. If just writing it down is what you do or taking an action… seal it. Make that feeling of connection matter. Live it out.
This world, brother and sister, wants to immolate you. Destroy you. It will take everything you have. It will try to steal your hope, your joy, your peace. It will tell the young girl she is not beautiful, the old man he is a useless drain on society, the lonely that he is a reproach. IT is a tough, sick, hard world. It will wound us.
We cannot ask for it to stop hurting us. This is war. It is brutal and ugly. It is vile. When the bullets won't stop firing and we are stuck in war, we need not peace.
It's foolish to ask for that. No we need the strength to get through this world and this time. We need the encouragement to fight for life and righteousness.
Jesus is here. But Jesus wants us to work together. He wants us to just drop our silly walls and share every filthy detail of life. He wants us to be annoyed at lacking privacy far before we are content in isolation. To live in homes together, share meals, and dare I say, talk about more then the trivial.
He wants us to love each other so much that we cry when we are apart.
Friendships so intense, so real, that leaving them is tantamount to divorce of the heart.
Do you love community? do you miss it when you are gone? Are you desperate for the friends you see on Sunday and Wednesday and hopefully more than that? I'm so blessed by a good community in Seattle, Dallas, Florida, New York, Taiwan, North Carolina, Pennsylvania. I shudder to think of life without them.
Hopefully you are finding it too. If not, pursue it, make it, BUILD IT!
Those next two songs are like… rock songs. I just like the lyrics. Stick to Noah if you like acoustic. But look em up if you like that jones.
Paperthin Hymns – Anberlin
"These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends
August evenings
Bring solemn warnings
To remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight
You never know what temporal days may bring
Laugh, love, live free and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the lord
Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands"
Godspeed – Anberlin
