We have one week left in Soroti, but it feels like a lot less. Today, Monday, is our Sabbath day. Tuesday and Wednesday our plans have been changed to paint the guest house in which we are staying. Thursday is a day to rest, pack and fellowship before we leave on Friday for Jinja. I’d like to review what this month has been about thus far.
I came in saying something wasn’t quite right and that I was waiting for God to reveal some things that I needed to let go. After some time searching my heart I decided God was telling me to explore his lover’s heart and that sacrifice would come. This planted me in 1 & 2 Samuel reading about David and wondering just how much it would hurt when my lover God called me to sacrifice something at his altar.
This month has been unique (what else would it be, right?). We’ve done a good amount of waiting. The waiting hasn’t always resulted in the utmost productivity. This last week was particularly trying as one day the man we were working with did not show up and another day we sat through most of a youth conference to learn that the discussions we were prepared to lead would not be occurring that night. Last month a few of us were feeling quite used by God in spite of ourselves. This month I was finding great new stuff in my time with God, but often found myself feeling very un-used by him. Most of us found ourselves asking God why he put us here. We have been wanting to know what this month was actually about.
So in the midst of what may have been one of the most trying weeks yet on the Race I started asking God what the poop he was trying to do with us in Soroti, because it hadn’t been looking like much from our perspective. Then I thought about the ways I tried to combat my frustration as I learned to exercise patience. I had prayed some interesting prayers. I released my right to be fully aware of the schedule. I released my right to think I know the best way to communicate the gospel to African Christians. I released my expectation to always be involved in ministry that I think is powerful and impacting. I prayed for God to give me a heart to fully submit to the authority under which we have been placed. And these are just the prayers related to ministry. It ended up being a month about sacrifice like I originally thought.
The best part about this month of sacrifice, however, is that it was born out of a rejuvenated love relationship with God. I had been thinking that God wanted me to tear myself up inside, rip out a piece, and give it to him before I could grow. Instead, like Peter when he stepped out of the boat, Jesus only said, “come”. So I sat under a tent listening to a message that I could not relate to for almost five hours. I was wondering why I was there and I started reasoning. Yes I love God. Yes I want to feed his sheep; yes I want to do his work. Yes I believe he is in control even now. So I prayed and I told him these things. I asked him to make me into the person who could join in with what he was doing even though all the parts of myself that I knew were missing the boat in that moment. And he told me that I don’t always get to know how it works, or why the message reaches the people it does, or why he would have me sit in the sun for hours only to do what seems like nothing to advance the kingdom. But he told me that if I could have a yes in my heart I would get to be a part of it. He told me that if I could give up my pride and continue to worship him in those moments, we would be a little bit closer. I could learn to love him a little more.
And none of the sacrifices I’ve made this month hurt all that much. They’ve been tedious things to monitor. And sometimes it’s frustrating that I get in the way of me so much. But ultimately they aren’t sacrifices that are that difficult to make. I stand in the presence of the Lord and I see the paper stones of the devil come hurling at me. I throw up the shield of faith to deflect his silly weapons and I take one step closer to God. It’s pretty cool actually.
The point is that God is always working somewhere. His Spirit is moving. The question you have to ask yourself is whether or not you are willing to do what you need to do to orient yourself to his work. When your pride, your coping mechanisms, or your past hurts are keeping you from engaging with the moving of the Spirit are you willing to lay them down? I’m finding more and more that I love God and I love what he is doing around the world. I’m learning to choose to be less, to let go of the things that keep me from jumping into the river of his Spirit, and it’s pretty darn fun.
I think this week together as a team will give us some good time to minister to each other, helping to heal some hurt that we suffered going to tough places so far this month. I’m happy for a bit of a respite and I am rejoicing in the Lord’s faithfulness as I realize how different I have become this month already.
