After I posted my last blog I asked my team for two days off. I felt like God was telling me to pause. I was beginning to feel as though everything around me was moving much too fast. So I took Wednesday and Thursday out of team ministry. I stayed back at the house where we are staying and told God I was ready to listen. I was ready to listen for what was holding me back.
I’ve felt an inkling over the past couple weeks that there were some things I could be giving up. I felt like my spiritual progress was being held back by concerns and worries that I shouldn’t have been carrying. I was sure that God had even more things for me to relinquish that I was not allowing myself to see. I thought 48 hours alone with him would be the perfect time to allow him to show these sacrifices to me. So going in to Wednesday I was very much prepared to be writing this blog about Abraham and Isaac.
Instead I think I will be sharing with you some insight I received about Peter. I started Wednesday trying to tie up some loose ends that I had in my time with God. Four a couple months now I’ve been spending time in the Word doing a close study of Jesus and of late have been examining Peter closely. I spent the morning on Wednesday reading through the gospel of John and I feel like I got some closure in those areas of study. Then I listened to a sermon by Bill Johnson (who has sort of been my pastor so far this year) entitled “Religion Requires, Grace Enables”. Coincidentally he also talked about Peter in this sermon.
Johnson talked about how Peter’s passion and zeal, though essential to his character, were not the things that made him a great disciple of Christ. As passionate and excited as Peter was to follow Jesus, he still betrayed Jesus in his last hours of life. It wasn’t until Jesus afforded Peter the opportunity to repent that denial by three times asking him “do you love me?” that Peter’s calling was made complete and he was able to truly feed the Lord’s sheep, to be the rock that Jesus said he would be.
I’ve been very excited about the work the Lord has done in me so far on the Race. The Lord has confirmed many things for me as the Race has progressed. For several weeks I’ve been searching and guessing at how the Lord wants to use me. I’ve been asking him where I can use the gifts he has confirmed in me. I’ve been looking for ways to step into a bigger role in his Kingdom. I think somewhere in the mix I forgot about intimacy. I forgot about receiving the mercy and grace that have brought me thus far. I forgot about resting in the Lord and seeking his glory over mine.
After I received that revelation on Wednesday I spent Thursday morning resting quietly with the Lord, studying a few shorter passages from 1 & 2 Peter, listening to another sermon about hosting the Spirit and allowing God to do his work, and I spent time listening to some worship music and letting the Spirit rest on me.
It turned out to be a good couple of days. I feel rejuvenated. I’m breathing deeper and feeling more peace. I still feel as though the Lord is calling me to give up parts of myself and have laid down a few of those through some journaling the past couple of days. Rather than panting after what else I need to sacrifice or what else I need to do, though, I am committing to more intentionality in letting the Lord’s Spirit rest on me and carry me to new places. And rather than receiving his gifts and being excited about how I am being built up, I am letting go of myself to say that whatever gifts he gives me are for his glory and not my own.
It’s good to be excited about what the Lord is doing and where he is going to use us. But it’s also important to remember that one of the most important things we can do in our relationship with Christ is be ready to answer “Yes!” when he asks “Do you love me?” The Lord will call us to many things, but our most important call is to love him.
