Lord I trust you fully. Fully: I wonder what that means. Do I trust you completely all the time? Lately, I have been in pain both physically and emotionally. I will explain the physical side of things first.
When I was in college, I lacked sleep all the time. I suffered from migraines on a daily/ weekly basis. I got used to having them and could live a normal life with the pain. This year has been great. I have not gotten that many until now. For whatever reason I have been plagued with them lately. Part of the reason may be the fact that I live in a room with 15 other girls. By the end of the day I am in pain from the migraine. I would go to bed in pain and wake up with a headache, which would turn to a migraine by 5:00 in the afternoon. I finally got rid of the migraine two days ago with the help of prayer first then medicine.
The emotional pain is just living with 25 other people brings things up. Everyone has hidden pain and hurts they don’t want others to see. I know I have a lot and living around 25 people brings some of the things to the surface. I am just in a fog, as I call it. I think, contemplate, and pray about what I am struggling with. I still function, but I just want to be with You, Lord. I want to be in Your presence as I work this out.
So now I get to the point where I tell you what has happened. I got to the point on my last night of my migraine. I was in pain. I just lay there crying out to you, Lord, “I can’t handle this anymore. I can’t handle the physical and emotional pain I am in.” I eventually fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up without a migraine. I praise You for this Lord. I got up feeling great. I went to do my devotional time with you. I came across Psalm 68:19. “Praise to the Lord, to God our Savior; who daily bears our burdens.” I was impressed by the fact that daily you carry our burdens. I know I have read this before and now I was ready to hear it. It hit me that when I am in pain, you are there crying with me and holding me up. You feel my emotions and you help me through it. I know that no matter what I am feeling, You are feeling it, but You are holding onto me protecting me. You don’t give me more than I can handle. Lord I am so thankful for You showing me this. I am amazed at how amazing You are. You know me better than I know myself and You hold onto me and say it will be okay. Thank you Lord for getting me to this point of total surrender to you.
Extra note: I will be leaving tomorrow to go to a place by the Panama border. I will be going with a small group of people, only Lindsey is coming from my team. I know that God wants me to be there, even if I am not sure why.
