As I wake up in the morning at the YWAM base in Thailand, I see a tree. When I first saw the tree, I never thought anything about it. Then I thought I knew it from somewhere, but could not figure it out. I figured out where I knew the tree from.
The tree reminds me of the movie What Dreams May Come. The tree reminds me of a scene when the character of Robin Williams has just died. He is in ‘heaven’ and he sees a tree across the field. The tree, like my tree outside the window, reminds him of a part of his life. He talks about wanting to visit the tree with his friend that is with him. Robin Williams asks how he can get there and his friend says that there is a specific way to get there. You just have to want it enough and imagine it. Robin Williams takes off right away and ends up falling off a cliff. He did not do very well on his first try. His friend explains again that he needs to want it enough to get there. Robin Williams makes it to the tree to find it is his version of paradise.
You may be wondering what this movie has anything to do with my ministry. I feel like Robin Williams did in the movie. I want to get to the tree to see what is there. The tree is so close, within grasp. This month in Cambodia, I have felt far away from many things. I have wanted to write blogs, help others and do many other things. I have had a personal struggle. I never thought about missionaries having personal struggles, but it happens. I had decided not to try as hard, just go through the emotions. I have wanted to reach the far off tree, but did not know how to get there. I was missing a key ingredient. I am now in Bangkok, struggling with all I did not do.
I now realize the missing ingredient is called grace and truth. I may have had grace at times and truth at others, but never together. The concept of grace and truth is not new to me. The thing is, I am a human and I forget things easily. I am very critical of others and I need to learn how to exert more grace. I know God says in I Corinthians 4:6 “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” This is very difficult for me and I do not always answer everyone correctly. I know it is something we must pray for and ask God to give us. I wish at times I could answer not as blunt as I do, but it is difficult to undo years of training in this area. I am now trying to reach that tree called God. I am praying that in the Philippines, I can fully understand this concept and grow it in my life. I am hoping that I can answer everyone with grace and give truth to those who need it.
