As launch is quickly approaching and I am frantically trying to finish all of my last minute preparations I have come to realize something. The World Race is making me uncomfortable. The idea of traveling so much doesn’t bother me, neither does living with six basically strangers for eleven months. It’s the other things this step of faith asks of me that make me uncomfortable.
You probably don’t realize this as much as I have been blowing up facebook but asking for money makes me uncomfortable. If it weren’t absolutely essential in order for me to go I wouldn’t do it. I grew up in a home where if you wanted something you worked as hard as you could and saved up your pennies in order to get it; it was rarely just given to you. The idea of asking people to just give me what I need to go on the Race really freaks me out. In the process of doing one of the things that makes me the most uncomfortable, I’ve learned something. It’s all God’s anyways. He uses his people to make amazing things happen. In this case, he is using people like you to allow me to go and do his work around the world. He has provided for every need I have had so far and I have faith that he will continue to provide. “For every beast of the forest is mine, the cattle on a thousand hills.”(Psalm 50:10) It’s all his and because this calling comes from him he will provide what I need in order to complete the task he has given me.
As many of you already know I am a very relational person. I can’t walk through campus without bumping into at least five people I know. It’s very comforting knowing that my best friend is literally two doors away and if I need someone or they need me, they are within spitting distance. Leaving that comfortable place where I know everyone is scary. Now don’t get me wrong I am a true extrovert and I love meeting new people so the idea of living with 6 beautiful sisters in Christ and traveling with 60 other brothers and sisters that I don’t really know yet is not a big deal. I know I will get to know them and that excites me, but leaving my already close friends behind in order to do ministry and get to know these new people takes me out of my comfort zone. Though it’s made me realize something. God wants the same kind of relationship with me. He wants to be the first place I run in distress and to serve obediently when he asks me to serve. “And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.”(2 John 1:6) If I don’t leave the comfortable bubble where I am so surrounded by familiarity and people to run to I will never fully know the amazing love the Father has for me or the amazing plans he has when I follow his calling.
I have always had this fear that I am not enough, that God could not possibly use me to do his work. It wasn’t until training camp that God brought this fear to the surface and began the process of replacing that lie with the truth; I am enough. In fact it was at the moment when our squad coach Tim was prophesying over me that “God says he loves you so much and he is so proud of you, big things are coming!” that the holy spirit filled me with the sweetest, purest, joy I have ever felt in my life. Ever since then God has been showing me that I am enough because he is the one who equips me, my value is with him. “May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.”(Heb 13:20-21) If I don’t follow this call to go I will not see how God’s strength works in my weakness.
I realized something this summer as I prepared for this Race. Comfort is what drives me to do just about everything. Whether that is doing things that make me comfortable or comforting others, that is my motivating factor. What I am seeing right now is it’s OK for me to be uncomfortable with all of these things. God will comfort me, he is the best father he will comfort his children. He is also going to use this time where I am uncomfortable to reveal things in me that he needs to heal, places that I don’t allow him to have control, and just how glorious he can be. I don’t know what the next eleven months has in store for me but he certainly does. “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) As long as I am following him, trusting in him, and listening to him I don’t need to be comfortable. I only need to press in and see what he has for me.
