I write to you with a heart that is deeply encouraged by the promises of God…
Today, a friend mentioned that I had crossed their mind and asked how the fundraising was going. In a quick moment of introspection (as I awkwardly stood there saying “Uhhhhh” for a few seconds), I thought to myself “Jackie, you can give a cookie-cutter answer, or you can be real.”
So I chose the latter, and explained that I was getting discouraged that the funds have slowed down lately. I was anxious that as the excitement died down so would the funds. The number still seemed so daunting and I had been questioning if I would actually meet the requirement. This random encounter however, revealed to me the deeper rooted anxieties of my soul that I was trying to casually deem as “a normal part of the fundraising process.”
“Which of you, by being anxious, can add a single day to your life?”
Matthew 6
Turns out we are not called to worry or be anxious- imagine that… Matthew six makes this pretty clear throughout the entire section. However when I read this one verse, I resolved in my heart that I would rather be confident in His promises than chase the vapor of my anxieties that get me absolutely nothing but wasted time. I never want to look back and regret how I spent the time entrusted to me- especially not in such an influencial season that’s giving me a taste of what the rest of my life is going to look like as a missionary. I want to learn with excitement and confidence and awe-stricken wonder of His faithfulness. I want to be built up and conditioned even more for the call. Casting our cares on Him is not just a good suggestion; it is an act of obedience and its an outflow of humble heart to go to the One who is greater and say “I can’t do this on my own.” It is something I am continuing to learn under His patient guidance.
I am His daughter. I’m not a stranger. I’m not a seasonal guest. I’m His child. I am welcomed. I am wanted and longed for. There is no other love that will delight in making so beautiful the very little I have to offer. But as I offer my heart to Him– entrusting my very soul unto Him– He delights in using me! Therefore He will make a way. His plan will not be thwarted. His teachings beckon my soul back to His yolk and cause my steps to slow down, aligning with His.
I came home this evening to a card from a precious friend and in it was a folded twenty dollar bill intended toward my fund. Holding that precious bill in my hand, I couldn’t help but smile and imagine the Father saying “now will you just rest, dear one? I know the number. I know the deadlines. I love you, child.”
I lay my head upon my pillow tonight with a steadfast assurance that God has already gathered the entire amount from His storehouses and is providing it in the time He sees fit. But it will be provided.
