Have you ever gone through a day where you felt like you got punched in the gut, and it hurts like crazy?
I just had one of those days recently. In fact, it wasn't one, but three punches in the gut. One, two, three.
Punch 1: A sober movie night.
On our movie night Saturday, I ended up picking a movie called Beyond Borders, when I saw that one of the girls on my team had it- I squealed with delight and got more than a handful of us to watch it together. It's one of those somewhat obscure movies that nobody heard of but with big Hollywood names in it. For those that have seen it, it's a sober and stiff one.
The movie depicts the reality and cruelty of a war-torn Cambodia, a death-toll filled Chechnya, and a hunger-ridden and HIV infected Africa, and how those that are bold enough to go to those countries to save lives end up losing their own. It's a lesser known Slumdog Millionnaire type of flick that leaves you with a tear stricken face and a questioning heart- why does life seem so unfair? How can people be so cruel? Why isn't there happy endings? If there is a God, how could He let the innocent die like so?
If you are bored, if your life is too comfortable, if you need a punch in the face and a reality check of global suffering, you should watch this movie and ponder a few of the big questions in life. It's good for you.
Punch 2: We are not going to China.
After 5 months on the race, you would think I have given up all areas of control, think again. After having the chance to vote for our mystery country, I was praying and hoping that the country we end up going to before Africa would be China.
China has always been on my heart. It is my birthplace until age twelve. It is where I went for my very first missions trip where I got to experience leading a new friend to Christ for the first time. Thanks to God's graciousness, I've been able to use my Chinese language and culture on the race (ministering to Chinese restaurant owners in Honduras on Month 2, tutoring Thai kids Chinese in Thailand on Month 5, and teaching Mandarin this month). I even reunited with my missionary hosts from my first mission trip last month in Thailand and helped them do some translation work that they used in a training workshop for Mainland Chinese Christians.
Dreams of spending a month in China on the Race was all of a sudden possible when we were told we could vote between a few countries, China being one of them. But it was then shattered when we were given the announcement that "L Squad is going to India!" during our mystery month (April). My heart hurt, for a while. It's not so fun to see a dream unfulfilled.
Even now as I write, I am learning that I must give up constant control and expectations. What I am doing tomorrow, where I'll be for this 5 day Chinese New Year holiday weekend and where will I spend my birthday. Everything changes so frequently on the race, that only God alone holds control of the complete tidbits.
I know if God wants me to be in China, I'll be there no matter what. Meanwhile India is also a painfully beautiful country I would want to see again. I once have had the previlege of visiting Mumbai and Goa on a business trip. and saw so much brokenness.
India needs so much of God's healing and His love and I hope we will be able to bring that, because of who we are and who we represent. I can't wait to go back to India in someways, this time with a purpose and a greater Mission. God, I give China back to you for now.
Punch 3: Missionaries suffer and die.
I had been reading a biography about Hudson Taylor, the famous missionary to China in the 1800's. It was a page turner and I finished it in 3 days, but it was not an easy read, in that I read it with a clenched fist and constant frown because of the trials and suffering that Hudson Taylor endured just to go to China and while there.
Reading about his life challenged me to live more boldly and in complete faith no matter what my circumstance. Hudson often made it a habit to not accept his employers wages given to him or to give the last of his money away to the needy just so he could see how God would work in bringing him the only provision he could get. He didn't have a plan B. His plan is always to wait on God to provide.
The punch came when I finally finished the last page, Hudson Taylor died a penniless man, without fame, fortune, career success, and no wife to bury him. What he left was a life of trials, one dotted with shipwrecks, persecution, death of two spouses, numberous children, his own sickness and disease, and a legacy of bringing Christ to the nation of China.
Be careful, when you say: "God I want to follow you, at whatever the price." Because trials and sufferings are an inevitable part of that life. But then, the people that follow Him at all costs are the ones He will honor at the other side of eternity.
Aftermath: How do you want to live?
So with all that said, do you want to live an ordinary, comfortable life, or do you want to live a dangerously full one?
If you choose the latter, how can you and I live more fully, more passionately for a single purpose like Dr. Nick Callahan in Beyond Borders or Hudson Taylor, with reckless abandon doing that one thing that matters to you?
This is a good question and I'll let you ponder it while I do the same. It's a good start, to begin asking these questions. Living life with purpose will change the big and small decisions we make everyday. Somethings will no longer matter, other things will matter more, but you may have to wait on God for the answer instead of jumping in to a decision based on your own passions.
Thanks for reading this banter, I will leave you with a quote from Beyond Borders.
A photo taken from the movie Beyond Borders.
“ What's the first thing you do when you get a cold? Kill it. Numb it, anything not to feel.
You know, when I was a doctor in London, no one ever said 'medahani'.
They don't thank you like they thank you here.
Cos here they feel everything, straight from God.
There's no drugs, no painkillers. It's the weirdest, purest thing – suffering.
And when you've seen that kind of courage in a little child… How could you ever want to do anything but just hold him in your arms? "
– Dr. Nick Callahan, Beyond Borders
