The world race is just one big time warp where you learn more about yourself and grow closer to God than you ever thought possible. I’m gonna take you on a little journey through my year, sharing thoughts, prayers, dreams, prophesies and promises that have accumulated over the months and how that’s led me to answering the question “what’s next after the race?”
Training Camp May 2014:
“Who are all these people? The leaders here are so happy and outgoing. How are they not shy?! They’re so easily starting conversations with people. How do they do that? And they’re so wise! … Yeah… There’s NO way I could do that. That’s just not who I am.”
Month 2 Haiti- All Squad Month:
“Squad leaders have really been pushing us to have 1-on-1 conversations with each other and I’m loving it! I love just talking to people and hearing their stories and speaking truth to their lives. And I’ve had so much truth spoken over me by so many people. Being with the squad has been the best part of my month.”
Month 6 Malawi pt. 1:
Katie: “If you were going home today what would you choose to do with your life next?”
Reid: “Squad lead or move somewhere.”
Me: “Ew, I would never squad lead. I couldn’t do that.”
*End of the month*
“For some reason I can’t get squad leading off my mind since that conversation earlier this month. I really don’t want to do it. I think I’ll use next month to really pray and ask God if that’s something I should pursue, but I’m not telling anyone on the team.”
Month 7 Malawi pt.2
Our team decided to do listening prayers for each other every day. Listening prayer for us looked like finding time during the day and asking God what he has to say to the person who will receive this prayer. And you listen for what God has to say and write it down. Then we drew names and gave it to the person it was for. While praying about squad leading and my team not knowing that I was even thinking about it, this is what I got from the first few listening prayers.
“You are a bond slave to Jesus. You choose every day to die to yourself and seek the things of Jesus. You not only have your heart set on him, but you follow him with the upmost certainty that he is where you are going. He’s preparing to lead you into some really hard places. Don’t be afraid to follow, because, he is there, waiting for you.”
“Follow my heartbeat and it will lead you to where you need to go, but not until you’re prepared. As you have made huge strides in faith and relationship with me, the enemy will try to tear you down. You are too powerful and too strong willed to allow that to happen, but know that it easily can and does. Do not get discouraged at times but look to the heavens for strength and wisdom.
1-12-15
I’ve been wondering about my future recently. Not so much seeking definite answers in all things, but specifically seeking guidance in squad leading. My fears in leading stem back to thoughts of my old self. Fear people won’t like me. Fear people won’t be moved by what I have to say. Fear I’ll mess up. Fear of never getting married. Fear of going back to my old self and my old ways. Fear of what people will think of me back home and on my squad. I shared some of this with Kayla but I’m still unsure.
***Later that night I had this dream***
My squad was all together back in America in a big house. My team was sitting outside on the back porch and one of my alumni squad leaders approached us and said she had demons in her and would like for us to pray for her.
Then she looked right at me and yelled “BUT NOT YOU JACIE”
It felt like a punch in the stomach. So I got up and started walking inside. As I was walking she followed after me and yelled “I DONT NEED –” but then my ears muted and I knew immediately it was God who muted my ears.
I walked inside the house and she stood at the door, unable to come inside, and yelled “MALAWI DOESNT NEED YOU”
I covered my ears and ran out the front door into the front lawn. She ran around the side of the house and shouted so loudly “THE WORLD DOESNT NEED YOU”.
By then I knew I needed to pray for her since she had demons in her so I started praying, “God remove these evil spirits from her, take away anything that’s not of you in Jesus name” but nothing was changing. Immediately I knew I needed to start speaking in tongues, and so I did! (Side note: not something I’ve ever done)
And then I woke up, mumbling into a pillow full of slobber.
First thing in the morning I messaged the alumni squad leader who was in the dream and she helped me understand it a lot more.
1. She said Satan is using people who have been in authority over me the last 7 months to make me feel unworthy and unable. But we can see an attack like this as confirmation that I do have authority and I am needed. Satan has used this to try and get me to feel like I’m unchanged and unimportant, but it’s made me feel just the opposite.
2. The fact that my ears were muted and she couldn’t come in the house shows God’s constant protection. He’s with me even when I don’t feel him around me.
I told Kayla about this dream I had and she gave me the listening prayer she had for me from the day before:
“You’re breaking barriers and limits you’ve put upon yourself…I am your Heavenly Father who is ecstatic to see my little girl throwing her training wheels off her bike and riding in synchronization with me. My next challenge for you is to encourage others to do the same. Push others into what you are experiencing. I have gifted you accordingly to be able to do this in a receivable manner.”
Later that night I got this listening prayer from Paul:
“Jacie, I saw a big salvage yard with projects in progress everywhere. The projects were people that God has planned for you to work. They were countless. Some were long term, others short term, but all equally important.”
OKAY GOD!
I see you!
You want me to squad lead.
I get it! And I’ll do it!
… But I want to do it in January.
“Why?”
Because it’ll give me time at home and to raise money
“You’re ready to do September and I provide the money anyways. What other excuses do you have?”
…none…
“There ya go! September it is!”
So after filling out the longest application in the Philippines, having an interview in Thailand and Laos, I can now officially announce that I will be squad leading in September for 5 months! I leave for training camp on July 3-16 and will be launching in September!
Yes, I’ll be going on a mission trip and joining along side a squad of missionaries, but my focus will be discipling and pouring into this group of people. My squad leaders, both alumni and raised up, have invested in my life, called me out on lies I’ve believed, spoke truth into my life, and loved me in so many ways. But they also have been great story tellers, adventure seekers, star trippers, Nikki minaj singers, hip hop dancers, and best friends. And I’m so glad I get to be this and more for a brand new squad come September.
So thank you all for following me on this journey, and I invite you to continue on with me as I head out again!
For those wondering, I have $3,500 to raise for the 5 months I’ll be gone. I also have to pay to get to training camp in Georgia and back (driving) and to launch in Georgia (flying). If you’d like to support me financially for squad leading you can give online. And if you’d like to support me getting to training camp and launch you can send money to my paypal account: [email protected]
So excited for this next adventure!!!!
Peace and Blessin’s
