I realized it’s been
a month and a half since I got my tattoo and I still haven’t written a blog
explaining it yet, so here you go!
Back in September
God started teaching me a lot about the fruit of the spirit, specifically love
and how to love not by earthly standards and fleshly standards but to love the
way God intends us to love. Loving with patience, kindness, selflessness. Love
that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
It’s one thing to
just say those things and say that you want to love like that, but it’s
completely different to actually love the way God wants us to. This practice
and mindset of loving people regardless of what they say or do to me has been
one of the hardest things to learn, but I’ve also been able to really start
loving people.
Loving them deeply.
Seeing them the way
God sees them.
Encouraging them out
of love and not out of selfish desires.
Genuinely seeking
the best for them.
Then January came
around and I started student teaching. I knew before I even started God was
going to continue teaching me love but also throw in joy. I have a tendancy to
let my surroundings and people control my joy, but God taught me so much that
semester about purposefully seeking joy from him. There were plenty of times
when children were literally having a meltdown in class, or when I felt stupid
because I couldn’t explain 2X5 and I could have let those things bring me down
or make me angry beyond belief.
But God somehow gave
me joy.
I know it was from
God because I would stop and think, why am I so happy? Why am I so joyful right
now? Nothing special happened today….where is this coming from. It was those
moments when I knew it came from God.
When I look back on
my student teaching I only think of good times.
You could blame it
on my cooperating teachers, yes they were amazing.
You could blame it
on the school district.
You could blame it
on the age group being a good one to teach.
But I know that joy
came from God.
Starting the race in
July I knew God was going to continue teaching me the fruit of the spirit.
There was no magical voice that said, “Jacie, I’m going to give you a new
fruit of the spirit to grow in every month on the race.” But I knew and I was
ready to continue on digging deep into the fruit of the spirit.
July:
God kept showing me
and giving me opportunities to love people. This month was different because
instead of showing me people who were hard to love he gave me his eyes that
month and let me really see these people the way he saw them. Sometimes I just
caught myself staring into their eyes thinking “This is what God sees.
This is beautiful.”
I also continued to
feel that same kind of joy that I had during student teaching. Being joyful for
no reason at all. Seriously though, it was hot, most of us were sick, I got
chikengunya, mosquito bites were all over me, we slept sleeping pad to sleeping
pad right next to each other in a tiny room with little ventilation, we ate all
our meals surrounded by at least 100 flies.
But I felt that joy
still. One of my “highs” for the month was standing in the soccer
field looking out at the scenery just feeling close to God. Feeling like I was
where I belonged. Feeling joy that I couldn’t explain or understand.
August:
All squad month. I
knew God was going to teach me peace but I didn’t understand what that meant. I
felt like peace and patience were the same but I told God I was ready to learn
what peace meant if he would teach me.
Oh boy, did he.
This month, since we
were all around each other, everyone was just constantly affirming each other.
We had a “vulnerability night” where we shared struggles, past hurts,
ect.. And after that it was like we constantly were affirming each other. Not
only that but speaking truths to each other. This was so hard for me because
when people would say “Oh Jacie, you’re so easy to be around. You make me
feel comfortable”, my immediate response was “Yeah right, I’m
awkward.” Anytime someone said something like that to me my first response
in my head was negating it.
After talking with a
squad leader I realized that these people on the squad are speaking truth
whether I believe it or not. If I choose to believe it and walk in those truths
then I have the capability to bring freedom to others in their lives. By me walking
in my truths I bring people comfort, I allow them to be silly, I can give
wisdom in situations. But if I choose to not believe those truths about myself
then I never unlock the door for others to live freely.
So peace during this
month was learning to be at peace with who God created me to be and the identity he’s given me. Learning to really
believe what was true about myself and learning how to live those out.
The great thing
about God teaching me the fruit of the spirit is he finds plenty of times to
not only focus on the new fruit, but to strengthen the ones he’s already given
me. Since it was all squad month there were PLENTY of times for me to practice
loving them the way God wants me to love. Sometimes it was really difficult.
Sometimes I felt hurt and I wanted to stop loving them because I didn’t like
how I felt. But then God had to remind me that love is not self-seeking. You
need to love with kindness and patience and perseverance even when you don’t
feel loved in return. I got close with more of my squad during the month and I
can tell how loving them with God’s help is so much stronger than loving them
on my own. I pray for these people. I genuinely care about their lives. I cry
when they cry. It’s like God is sitting next to me telling me all the amazing
things about them and letting me feel how they feel.
What was new this
month was instead of keeping these things to myself that God was telling me
about them, I would write them a note or tell them in a one on one just how
amazing they were. While living in my identity and not being afraid of what
they may say I was able to speak truth to them that God sees everyday.
And joy…well…let’s
just say I didn’t live in joy during ministry. I’m still human! 2/3!
September:
I knew God was going
to teach me patience this month while also calling me to love, have joy, and
live in peace. That being said my head is constantly spinning. I feel like
every second of the day I could be learning or putting those things into
practice but it’s exhausting sometimes. God is teaching me patience for sure.
Sometimes I just sit and think and talk to God and say “…really? This is
really happening? And I’m supposed to persevere with patience through
this?” and I can just see him laughing saying “Yep!” So I’ve
stopped asking for him to give me times to show patience, he’s going to do that
on his own. I’ve started asking for him to help me show love in my patience and
kindness and to feel joy in the waiting. It’s not just patience with my team or
the ministry or the host. It’s patience with so many things all at once. It is
difficult but I’m hopeful that my persistence will pay off in the end!
We’re only a little
over a week into the month so I’ll have to update later on this one.
So I decided to get
this tattoo of the fruits of the spirit because it’s a huge part of my life on
the race and my life in general. These practices of love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control are life changing
things and I wanted to get it tattoo’d on me so I can remember and so I can
share this walk with people who ask about my tattoo.
So there is the long
version of why I got my tattoo and what it means!
