Holding hands is a sign of affection in African culture, and little kids love to hold our hands and walk by our side wherever we go.
Most of them literally have nothing, but they still have a simple joy and hope from being with us. Even when they can’t understand us, they still want to be picked up and held. They love the time we spend with them and won’t even care what we’re doing or where we’re going.
This reminds me a lot of our relationship with God, or at least what it should be. We should have a simple joy and hope that comes from being with Him, even when we can’t understand Him. We should love spending time with Him and desire to be held, even through not knowing where He takes us or what He wants to do.
This week, as I wandered around the neighborhood with a group of kids, one particular girl eagerly wanted to walk alongside me wherever I went. Not more than five-years-old, she was yet another example of how I should aspire to be with God.
Like many kids do, she eventually asked to wear my sunglasses. She barely spoke English, but motioned for them with a smile and hand gestures. Sporting the eyewear made her so proud, not for what they did but more importantly what they meant to her. It wasn’t just eye protection from the sun, but a common bond with a tall unkulu (white person). Even though the sunglasses didn’t fit her face very well, she wore them proudly for the rest of the afternoon.
Later on, we made our way back to the community center and she disappeared in a large group. Looking around the area, I spotted her hiding behind a bench, just in time to observe her set my sunglasses down and take off running. I wondered what was going on, but I soon realized why she did this: my sunglasses were broken.
God used this to teach me another lesson: As much as I’m like the little kids for good and worthy reasons, I’m also like them in less honorable ways. He gives many good things to his children and trusts us a lot, but as humans we can break them too easily from how we use them. And the worst part: when we do sin, we try to hide what we do and take off running, thinking He won’t even notice.
But the biggest lesson He taught me wasn’t about the wrong I can do. It was about how good He always is when I do make bad mistakes. Instead of getting upset at the little girl, I felt compassion for her guilt. She didn’t intend to break the glasses at all, and I trusted her with them even though they were cheap and already starting to crack with a lot of wear.
She was upset and had trouble talking to me after that. Without getting upset in return when I saw her, I felt compelled to crouch down to her level and give her a big hug instead. This was strange for her at first, but she warmed up to it. In slow and pronounced English, I told her I wasn’t mad and forgave her because it wasn’t all her fault. I had an older child translate the message into SiSwati as well.
I don’t know what her family relationships look like or if she’s been abused at all, but this type of response was clearly different than anything she’d experienced in the past. God responds in the same way too. He loves us in ways the world doesn’t expect, even when He has the right to get mad.
Above: What most of my computer time has looked like this month.
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My sunglasses breaking are just another piece to the puzzle of God breaking me this month. That night, my headlamp broke as well and I realized the connection: both broken possessions were extremely important to me, but I used them on my own to counteract the amount of light God gives me. When His natural sunlight became too bright for my eyes, I darkened it with my sunglasses. And when the absence of His light became too dark, I sought my own source of light.
Physically, this example doesn’t have much relevance but I’m starting to see a spiritual connection. In other words, my broken objects weren’t bad to use, but I can learn lessons from having to go without them. I’ve been learning to seek more after what God offers and has for me, in order to depend less on myself. It can be hard sometimes, but this month has been a great environment to learn and grow.
God speaks to me through themes like this and I’ll learn more as time passes, but one thing is for sure: I need to continually learn to be more like a child to love Him and go to Him whenever stuff happens. He will show me grace and love, even when I look to my own source of light. This grace and love will continue to break me, and I'll learn to trust Him more, even when my stuff has to get broken in the process.
