I used to have a shameful secret, but it's not a secret anymore. As a matter of fact, I've been set free from this buried sin by bringing it into the healing light of Jehova Rapha. Jesus saves, and Jesus forgives. It was a painful confession, and it is something I will never forget.
I know this to be true: Jesus wanted to do a healing work and set me free so that this baggage wouldn't be a chain or a foothold for the accuser of the brethren before I go to the mission field.
Most people would never guess just by looking at me. Well ok, maybe all sorts of conclusions can be made about me at a glance, but certainly not this one. Not that I think, anyway.
I'm a post-abortive woman. That's a label I wore like a scarlet letter pinned to my chest, but stitched and woven into the seams of my flesh and bone. It was like walking with the Lord and keeping a pebble in my shoe that didn't entirely impede me from walking strong, but it pained me with each step. Does that make sense?
You see, I was ashamed and afraid to admit and confess that I had had an abortion 10 year ago as a married woman. It was my "BC days", as we would say in Christianese. In plain words, I had an abortion before I became a Christian.
Statistics, however, about abortions in America actually report alarming numbers of women who classify as Christian choosing abortion. I'm not pointing fingers; as the saying goes, when you point one finger, three are pointing back at you.
Instead, I'm saying, when I think of defending the unborn, I immediately out of empathy and compassion think of healing the post-abortive. In my county alone, 300 abortions are performed per month. That's not only 300 lives lost, but 300 women walking around with a gaping wound in their wombs that profoundly breaks their hearts and pierces their souls. They have no idea the consequences that will ensue.
Those are women who need the forgiveness and healing of Jesus. Those are the sisters I pray for. Those are the sisters my heart yearns to come alongside, so that we can look at eachother and share that silent knowing. They are out there. I know it.
Maybe you've faced the decision while away from home off at college or maybe you've left that experience behind in high school or maybe you just decided to allow grace to abound knowing exactly what you were doing, but now it's just out of sight or out of mind. That's just not the way we're called to walk with Jesus. We all know that the wages of sin are death, but that Jesus died to save you from perishing.
We know for a fact, that Jesus died for the sins of the world. Abortion is a sin. But you can be forgiven and set free. Man or woman, if your life has been touched by abortion — don't bury it, don't deny it. Bring it all to Jesus.
I just wrapped up an 8 week bible study course called Forgiven & Set Free at my local RealOptions/CPC. (http://www.realoptions.net/index.html) It was one of the best decisions I ever made about the worst decision I ever made: abortion.
I wrote this poem for my unborn daughter. I named her Phoebe Daniela. Her namesake means "pure & bright" and "God is my judge." Phoebe, mommy loves you. This is for you…
The face of Love, The feet of Love
Phoebe’s predilection was not to be taken by storm, or force, or violence. In fact, she never saw it coming. All Phoebe ever wanted was the face of the woman whose heart she heard beating every day of her life. No, really. All Phoebe Daniela ever wanted was to come face to face with that woman.
Phoebe was full of life. You could say she was brimming with growth that glowed, and sprouted in the most beautiful way. Her soul was vibrant.
Meanwhile, beyond the walls of Phoebe’s warm enclosure and far beyond her perception or faintest thought, a war raged against her very life. Little did she know the heart of the woman.
You see, Phoebe’s life was uncoiled in love, like a seedling planted by the very hand of the Creator into a small patch of fertile land in the middle of a vast plain of fallow ground.
Had Phoebe blossomed as the One who planted her had intended, she would have seen the woman’s face. It would have been love at first sight.
Instead, the war was lost and Phoebe was taken by the very roots; plucked and snapped and rattled to bits by the tempest she never saw coming. The heartbeat ceased. The woman was nowhere to be found.
Phoebe Daniela never saw the woman. Instead, Phoebe, saw the most beautiful thing the woman had yet to see: the full face of Love.
All Phoebe still wants is to come face to face with that woman. “One day you will, my sweet child,” promised the woman kneeled at the feet of the Love.
