Ever since I can remember, I’ve struggled with self confidence. There is so much pressure on kids growing up to achieve more, look better, and just straight up be better. Personally, this pressure led to a feeling of not being enough. I’ve always been an outgoing, extroverted, and confident guy but failed to feel the same on the inside. I found my self worth in the way others felt about me. I looked to social media, and thought if I got enough likes on a picture, I was good enough. I looked to relationships or even girls in general, and if I was wanted by someone else then I thought I was good enough. It didn’t matter, however, because I never actually thought I was good enough because my identity lay in material things of this world.
A year ago I had a large identity crisis. I didn’t know who I was. I was so deeply invested in the people I loved that when a good amount of people left my life, I was completely uprooted. I was lost and never thought to look for Christ. Meanwhile, I was signed up to go on the trip I am currently on, but I was nowhere close to being ready. I went to church every Sunday and worshipped regularly but the personal relationship wasn’t there. I was completely numb to life and felt nothing. I felt no reason to wake up on a daily basis and my life felt meaningless. These are all lies from the enemy that I let take root in me, and I battled those lies for months. I struggled with several coping mechanisms that ultimately just made things worse. Depression, anxiety, and self hatred are real things that I never imagined ever going through, but felt all of those things at different times. In the spring, things got better as I received prayer and counseling. I don’t think that first change would’ve ever happened if my parents weren’t so involved and concerned with me. They ultimately helped me become a lot of who I am today, and I’m so thankful for them.
At my World Race training camp, I found a lot of freedom. Several people spoke into me, delivering truth to my heart. My team and I had a session of listening prayer with each other. We would all close are eyes, and one person would be touched by a leader, and that would be who we were praying for. None of us knew who it was except the person who was touched. As we heard things from God, we would speak them out over the person without knowing. The last time that we had the prayer session, the leader just picked a person in their head without touching them. So we started to pray, and I was the first to speak saying, “You’re supposed to be here.” The person we ended up speaking over was me. I was able to speak that over myself without knowing it. Others spoke about this huge wall that broke right in front of me. I didn’t quite understand what that meant at the time, but I now know that my insecurities were behind that wall. I was able to see who God said I was rather than what the world told me I was.
These past couple of months I have been growing to understand and believe who the Father says I am. The reason I’m writing this blog now is that I’m finally in a place where I am fully confident in myself. I’ve gotten to a place where I can be bold in my faith and proclaim it. There was time in Lesotho when I was doing my morning devotion, I was reading the great commission. Matthew 28: 19-20 says, ”Therefore go and make disciples of all nations , baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” I immediately got up and walked out of the door into the street and told the first person I saw about Christ. Within the next 24 hours, I told 6 more people about Christ and they all prayed to receive him into their hearts. To make this story even more cray, I was given a prophetic key at the launch for the race. My key had Romans 1:16 carved into it which says, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.” I’ve learned how to be confident, not only in myself but in who God says I am. I am enough. I am fearfully and beautifully made in God’s image and that’s enough for me. The cool thing is that God believes the same thing about every single person reading this. I hope my story can encourage you and challenge you to search for where your identity lies.
