I couldn’t sleep this morning. My heart felt heavy inside my chest, sinking like a stone tossed into the sea, upon my bed.
Have you ever loved someone just because?
It was a terrible thought to have at 6 in the morning. I’ve loved people. I’ve tried to love people just because, but have I ever actually loved them just because? What does that even mean?
Have you ever loved someone just because they needed it, and they can’t give you anything in return except possibly to hurt you?
That doesn’t sounds safe.
Have you ever loved someone just because –with no expectations, no ulterior motives, simply just because?
Have I?
Have you ever loved someone just because regardless of what they did and did not do, what they will or will not do, regardless of the mess they create around or inside of you?
Can I?
Whose idea was it to love people just because? Who decided to be so self-less that they would love people for who they were, not because of anything they could get in return? Who is able to love people just because they love them? Who can do that?
I’ll admit, sometimes I don’t want to see people’s pain. Sometimes I don’t want to know the reasons why they choose to use or hurt me. I don’t want to know, because it would require me to love them even when they hurt me. It requires me to become self-less, to take my eyes off my own pain and stare into theirs. It requires me to give the one thing that I want so badly, without getting it in return. Sometimes, most times, I’m a very selfish person.
I know whose idea it was…
It was Jesus’. He loves me just because. He loves me just because He loves me. He loves me for the mess that I am, for the things that I do that hurt him. He loves me because I need to be loved. He loves me even though he knows that I could never come close to loving him as much as he loves me. He loves me.
Lately, here in Tel Aviv, he’s been giving me the opportunity to do the same.
