I had come to a
point before The World Race where it was just me and God and I was truly unsure
of how to let other people in to my life because I was afraid of failure; them
failing me or most importantly me failing them. I knew that on a daily basis I
made a lot of mistakes and the thought of not having space was hard because for
some reason having space for me meant I had a place I could run away and hide
how afraid or timid I really was. The World Race didn’t allow me to have that
space. I was an open book to everyone around me and my timidity and my mistakes
came out. I cried a lot during my time on The World Race. I cried because all
my insecurities and hurts were coming to the surface and everyone could see
them. In Nairobi, Kenya during month eight I finally broke down in tears in
front of my team and said “can you just love me, even if I have nothing to
offer, can you just love me?” I was so broken. Ultimately I found I don’t need to have it all
together for people to love me! I don’t have to be perfect for God to love me
either! The World Race was a safe place for me to learn how to be loved. After returning
home at the end of The World Race honestly I felt completely lonely without
people around me all the time. I could see how much I had changed. I went from
wanting to run away to wanting to run into one of my friend’s arms so they
could hold me while I cried. During The World Race I learned to depend on
people again. I will rejoice in the work God did in my heart this past year. He
purified me like gold. He brought all my insecurities to the surface and he
gave me a squad full of people to love me through it. The day I came back to America
is the day I moved to a new town. I know that I need support and people to lean
on so I am praying for those people to come into my life here, and although at
this time I am struggling through the let down of always having people around I
trust that I am never alone! I have God but I also know I have people I can
depend on for a lifetime even if we are states, or worlds apart!
Below is a video of my squad sharing who they were before the race and who they became after. Mine was at the start I felt rejected and by the end I felt LOVED!
