Riding in the back of a truck
bodies crisscrossed
and on top of each other
my hair is helplessly
tossed by the wind
I can’t help but smile.
Sitting by a beautiful lake
surrounded by volcanoes
wondering once again
how did I get here and
why am I so blessed?
Today Mac and I fasted from food…
until lunch when we were each offered two steaming pupusas
that would’ve been rude to turn down.
I wasn’t even hungry
I wondered why
Why is God spoiling me
STILL
I can’t imagine any better than this.
I’m kind of sad to let go to the past
but not really
because these moments are so rich,
so full
like a steaming pupusa
or two.
I feel like I know so much about God
I feel like we “get” each other
But there is still so much more to discover!
No one can push me toward God
I will get pissed and resist
but when he draws me to himself
I can’t help myself.
Last year during this time
I was scared,
so scared.
Scared of the future,
scared of loneliness.
I was lonely
I realized one night
in Nicarauga
as I listened to Brandi Carlile
and wrote an email to an old friend
while tears soaked my cheeks.
“I just have no idea where or how I’ll fit in when I come back,”
I wrote.
Tonight I’m in El Salvador
listening to Brandi Carlile
writing an email to an old friend
my cheeks are dry
and crinkled
from so much smiling.
“I know it is only getting better,”
I wrote.
My my my…
how the times have changed.
