I forgot what it feels like to walk around with all my belongings on my back
and that sleeping on the floor is normal
Even at the airport
When all the lights are on and that lady over the intercom announces the time
Every. Fifteen. Minutes.
“The time is 2:45 a.m.”
“The time is 3:00 a.m.”
“The time is 3:15 a.m.”
Thank you, Miami International Airport, I was really wondering how much time had passed in between my dreams.
I forgot about going on when I’m really tired
(day after day after day.)
So many things did I forget…
Like the painful pinch I feel in my chest when I choose to die to myself
By putting someone else’s needs, wants and desires before my own
(again and again and again.)
I forgot what it’s like to eat until I’m full enough
…but not fully satisfied
To eat for energy
And not flavor.
How could I forget about
Wearing the same clothes
(again and again and again)
Not looking in the mirror,
Choosing not to care,
Even though my hair doesn’t look good.
Ever.
(Okay, I kind of care.)
But I can choose to let it go
To let go my idea of beauty
Of looking good on the outside…
There is so much more at stake.
How sweet it is to remember what it’s like
To live fully in the moment
instead of on the Internet.
Lately I find myself surprised because I’m so completely
Thriving in my element
In who I was made to be
It feels natural,
It feels right.
I forgot about making new friends
And how comfortable silence isn’t always natural,
Sometimes it has to be earned.
I forgot how overwhelming it can be
to miss loved ones back home
To feel so far away from them in body and spirit.
This morning I was in the United States of America
This evening I’m in Guatemala.
I forgot how quickly life moves
How everything can change in an instance
How beautiful it all is along the way…
Even though my back hurts.
Even though my heart hurts.
These are a few of my random thoughts
I just wanted to write them down
Before I forgot.
