It’s Tuesday…the one-week mark of being home in the States.
Around this time last Tuesday I was stuffed in the back of a Honda Civic with
Chelsea and Beks and all our stuff- Colby was in the front seat and his bff
Chaz was driving. We drove away from LAX and our life as we knew it.
…but not really. I’ve still been living a World Race life.
For the last week I’ve lived out of the same backpack and worn the same
clothes. I’ve slept on the floor (well, on mattresses on the floor) and woken
up next to the same faces I’ve seen all year. We’ve been moving around every
few days and we still don’t have much money for food. I still get charged if I
make an ATM withdrawal, and I still don’t have a phone. The other night the
four of us had to debrief an unpleasant situation. We make jokes about World
Race lingo and act like the people we are staying with are our contacts.
To me, the World Race really ended last night when I dropped
Beks off at LAX (haha, that kind of rhymes). I drove away in my friend Erin’s
car and was alone. But not for long…I met up with my friend Layne a little
while later. We went out to dinner at a local pizza place and talked so fast –
there were so many questions to ask each other and so much to say! We hardly
had time to take a bite of food. Not long into our conversation Layne mentioned
that I was noticeably different. It was only then I realized she was the first
person I had seen since coming to the States who I knew prior to the race. It
was nice to hear that I was different – sometimes you don’t know how much
you’ve changed, or if it will really last or whatever.
Anyway, she went to bed when we came back to her apartment,
and then time slowed down. I was alone – really alone. People from my squad
missed so many things when we were away – certain foods, their clothes, cars,
the English language, and so on – the only things I missed were washing
machines and ALONE TIME. I’m a pretty extreme extrovert, but that doesn’t mean
I don’t need alone time. People on my race wouldn’t believe me when I said I
usually spent hours and hours alone each day in “real life”- that I went to
movies alone and out to eat alone and that I would sometimes miss out on social
events to be alone.
It’s pretty much impossible to have alone time on the race –
the only way to do it is to put on you headphones and pretend there aren’t six
other people sitting right next to you.
The last time I had time alone was in Cambodia, in May, when
I rebelliously rode my bike across a rickety bridge toward the water’s shore
instead of going straight back to our apartment like I was supposed to. I
kicked off my shoes, walked across the sand and stuck my feet in the water. I
thought about diving in – clothes and all – but I didn’t. I should’ve. I sat
there and let the tears fall – I was so sick of being around everyone all the
time. I wanted a break. I wanted to live alone on an island. With pets. I
could’ve stayed there with my feet in the water forever, but the setting sun
forced me to get up and go. I knew if I stayed much longer my team would worry
and send out a search party, and even worse, feedback me. I rode on the rickety
bridge and went back to the apartment. “Where were you?” Emily asked cheerfully
as I walked up the stairs. “What? No-where! Nothing. Who told you?” I said with
paranoia in my voice. She looked at me strangely and we left it at that.
So last night I was alone. I was pretty excited at first –
FREEEEDOM! I can do whatever I want for however long I want and I have no one
to check in with and no where to be!!!
Twenty minutes later I was lonely.
It was quiet – too quiet. The sound of the computer keyboard
was startling.
I’m still living the World Race lifestyle – I’m still
traveling around with the same backpack, with the same clothes; I’m sleeping on
floors and couches; I’m on a limited budget; I don’t have a phone; an array of
currencies are in my elephant coin purse…and yet I’m alone.
And so my re-entry begins….
