In South Africa, one of our hosts asked about my family. She asked me about my mom’s health and if I missed her, then she asked me about my dad’s.
My dad has Alzheimers. He was officially diagnosed about a year ago.
I explained to her in the best way that I could that my dad was sick, and without warning, I was filled with emotions and anxiety, so I went outside. I sat on the wall and prayed silently about what had just happened. Afterwards, I sat down with Kirsten and explained what was going through my head. It was in this conversation I realized I had more to forgive my dad for.
I had to forgive him for all that Alzheimer’s disease did to him. As we were finishing our conversation, I looked down at the ground and said what I was thinking: “I don’t know how to walk in forgiveness.”
About a week went by and I was hand-washing my clothes at another house where we were hosted. I was listening to worship music and praying because well, washing your clothes by hand is rather tedious and boring, so I figured I should be productive with my brain. I felt the Holy Spirit bring to my memory a passage I read 5 years ago in a book called Victory Over Darkness.
Toward the end of the book, Neil Anderson walks the reader through how to forgive people. One of the most profound points I remembered is you have to acknowledge how you feel and what was done.
The Spirit was showing me He had already equipped me to walk through this.
As I scrubbed my clothes, I told God how I felt and I released any anger or pain I had felt in regards to my dad. I smiled as I hung my clothes and walked inside carrying far less than I had walked out with.
Over Father’s Day weekend, our team went on a trip to Namibia with our ministry host. People started sharing about how they had missed their dads, or they wished they could see them. I smiled slightly with tears in my eyes as I realized for the first time in over ten years, I wanted to spend time with my dad and have a relationship with him.
Yesterday, I called my dad for the first time on the Race, and while it made me sad to hear his confusion and his mental state, I can rejoice in seeing the redemption and growth the Lord has caused to take place.
If you find a lack of forgiveness in your life, take it to Jesus. I promise you will not be disappointed.
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
PRAYER REQUESTS:
1. My personal finances are a little tight with bills and soon I will be making arrangements to fly home. (Prayers are appreciated more than anything. If you want to donate to my personal finances, you can do so through paypal. My email is [email protected])
2. Members of our squad are still not quite fully funded.
3. Next month, we are in Cambodia: safe travels, anointed connections, bless the ministry we are with, etc.
Thank you for being a part of my journey.
