Today is my birthday, which is cool and all. In my family, birthdays are a huge deal because we are celebrating you living for another year.
With my birthday falling on New Years Eve, every year, I take a little bit of extra time to reflect on the past year. In doing so, I’ve realized 2015 has been very different for me.
Let me paint you a picture. A 14 year old girl, sitting at a computer desk on instant messenger. She just told someone she was contemplating suicide. She saw no meaning to life. Though she had been told, time and time again that she was loved, she didn’t believe it. When she looked at herself, she saw no worth purpose, or value. The response she received was, “okay, I’m sorry.”
She sat back and stared in disbelief. She decided to make one last effort. She called one more friend. This friend said, “you have a purpose, it’s to help people.” Short and simply put, the girl had a sliver of hope push her forward in life.
Fast forward to this same girl in her second year of college. She hadn’t told anyone of her past struggles with depression and suicide. Those are taboo subjects in some church circles so she assumed it was best to leave those under wraps.
When there are seeds in your life that you are trying to bury, however, they will sprout if not uprooted or dug up.
Looking down a 16 foot drop, suicidal thoughts crept back in. She called for help one last time.
I didn’t jump. I had two dear friends find me and hold me back.
What does this have to do with anything?
Luke 8:17 (NASB) “For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light.”
That was the night that I told people for the first time that I hated myself enough to kill myself and that I couldn’t keep fixing myself.
I began counseling, got on anti-depressants to help me work through my problems, and I began letting God transform my thoughts.
Up until that point, I kept trying to fix me, hence, why it never worked.
Allowing God to transform your thoughts is a huge, time-consuming process, but it is well worth it.
With a lot of help from God and the amazing community He surrounded me with, I have learned to love myself.
That is what has made 2015 the best year of my life so far. I have learned that God loves me, that my friends love me, my family loves me, and I love myself.
I never had a lack of love, I just didn’t believe people or God.
This year, I have learned to walk free from the shame of my past and to walk in the love and freedom my Father has for me.
I have bad days and I still have room to grow, but I can see the progress, and that is very special to me.
Ephesians 1:11 (MSG) It is in Christ we find out who we are and what we are living for.
Romans 12:1-2 (NASB) Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
Thanks for reading and for investing in the call that God has placed on my life.
I am less than $2400 away from being fully funded, and it is all thanks to my wonderful supporters.
I hope you have a wonderful New Year and a blessed 2016.
