Do you ever find yourself learning the same lesson over and over again in life? Like you just can’t quite get it. All my life I think God has been trying to teach me how to live through Him; by His strength and not my own. I like to think that I am an independent woman and that I can do just fine on my own. BUT really I need God more than ever, especially when I am in a leadership role.
I don’t think many of you know this, but at training camp I specifically told some of the staff at AIM that I did not want to be a team leader. I just knew I wouldn’t be capable of doing a good job and not running myself into the ground. At that point, I did not understand how to lead out of God’s strength and find rest in Him. I knew, however, that I was going to be a team leader during the race eventually because God kept speaking to me through my squad leaders and fellow racers. I was fighting it, but now here I am in my third month as team leader.
It’s been very difficult, and I would gladly step down whenever they asked me to, but until then I just have to trust that God has me in this role for a purpose. Last month in Israel, it became evident to me and my team that I’ve got to learn how to live through God. I was at a breaking point, and completely worn out. I just kept pushing through though, thinking it’s got to bet better soon…then came Africa.
Let’s add awful mosquitoes, intense heat, long days of ministry, and no running water to my already exhausted state, and you’ve got a mess. Even thinking about praying for one more person or walking to one more hospital made me want to cry. God had been trying to get my attention and say, hey I can help you, but instead I kept on barreling through on my own until I literally couldn’t do it anymore. It was only a couple of nights ago, with my teammates surrounding me in prayer, I heard God clearly say surrender! It was finally time for me to realize I cannot do anything without Him. I needed to surrender and humble myself before God and my team, and so I did. Then I made the decision to stop using my own strength, but to rely on God for EVERYTHING.
So what does this living out of God’s strength not my own look like? Well, I’m still figuring it out, but for me it is making more time for God. It seems so simple, but I have difficulty doing this. When I’m tired or stressed out my natural instinct is to suck it up and keep going, not to stop and pray or read my Bible. Allowing time for God to fill me back up is what I’ve been missing for so long.
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31
