The last few days I have been alone in
a house that is not my own. I have been calling this time a solitude
retreat. The so called retreat has looked a whole lot more like my
normal life full of doing rather than any type of solitude. I
realize I am really hard on myself and expect huge things from
myself, but it’s not going how I imagined it. I imagined hours on
end just sitting and soaking, hours reading, hours writing. Somewhere
along the way it all started to feel like a performance, and a
one-out-of-four-star performance at that, a show about how I can’t
cut myself off from the world. Now I’m realizing maybe these days
alone have been more about breaking myself out of this performance
based mindset than any solitude. There have been a few moments,
though, that I have been able to unplug (literally and figuratively)
and just be quite with God. And for those moments, this struggle
for solitude has been worth it. During one such moment I wrote the
following…
I have always loved the World Race.
Since minute one I just loved it. I loved the people, the concept,
the vision. I loved it all. I never considered my relationship with
them any deeper or further than the 11 months I signed up for though.
Fast forward 12+ months and I find
myself home from the World Race and in Georgia helping train 3
upcoming squads to be sent out this fall (see picture above). From the minute I arrived
at camp I knew I was supposed to spend the next season of my life
working for the World Race.
So why did I not commit on the spot?
If I boil it down, all that was holding
me back was money and that didn’t seem like a good enough reason to me. [maybe it goes even deeper to trust?]
Money, money, money- Oh how I hate you.
See, everyone who works for Adventures In Missions or AIM (the
parent organization of the WR) is support raised. The salary they
receive is from people like you who give so that they are able to
give; give of their time, their skills, their lives. So not only are
they some of the most committed, hardworking, busy people I’ve ever
met- they also have to find people who are willing to commit to them
monetarily in order to live.
See, if the World Race was a salaried
position I would already be there, and I’m sure many of my
squad-mates would be too. But it’s not. You have to really want it.
You have to commit. Your heart must be in it.
And my heart is in it.
Well my heart is in it when I
don’t get in the way, that is.
When I think about it I start to dwell
on the fact that I just got home from a year of support raising and
that I am yet to send thank you’s from that. I worry that my network
isn’t big enough to support something like this. I worry that I
won’t have enough support in my account to pay rent in a few weeks.
I worry that people will resent me for not getting a ‘real job’ and
continually asking for money. I worry that maybe this is too soon,
or I am ill equipped, or that I should apply to just one more other
job…and then I stop myself.
This is what I do. I worry. I dwell. I wear anxiety like a leaden winter coat.
And I know God doesn’t want all of this
on his daughter.
He wants me to go back to that day in
Georgia when I knew I was
being called there, before I told anyone, before I logically mapped
it out- while I lay on a bench watching sunshine pour through the
swaying trees. The peace I felt. A contentment that consumed. Joy
I couldn’t hide on my face. Life I couldn’t hide in my steps.
Excitement I couldn’t hide in my voice.
I am
trying to walk into this next season with this in remembrance, fresh
in my mind, with this attitude in my spirit.
I know
the money will come in. I know
it will. My heavenly Father won’t leave me out to dry– something I
see exemplified daily by my real dad.
With
trust in my heart I ask each of you reading this to please consider
supporting me in this ministry. Maybe you are unable to but have
friends, family, or a church that is eager to support…by all means,
please pass this along to them, have them contact me, or I can
contact them. I am looking for people to partner with me, to partner
with the World Race through me and better yet to partner with the
Lord through me.
In
reality it’s so much bigger than me. The vision isn’t mine, I’m just
a set of hands behind it. And just as with that- may you be behind me
as I help carry this vision forward.
——-
So
what does all this mean realistically…
I have
signed on to work for AIM (and the World Race more specifically). My
commitment as of now is a 6 month “Apprenticeship� with the
intention of sticking around for much longer, God willing. I will be
moving to Gainesville, GA in a week and starting work the following
Monday, September 6th. My support goal each month is $1,500 bringing the six month total to $10,000. This money will go towards any and everything involved in living: rent, food, health insurance, gas etc. For now my exact position is rather organic, meaning I will be
floating around from department to department as needed. So one day
I may be in logistics helping set up a teams time in Kenya and the
next day I may be conducting interviews for future World Racers. I
am excited at the opportunity to work in and live in the already
established “community� that is happening down in Georgia.
More details to come.
Thanks
for reading and investing and loving me.
—–
If supporting me does interest you please email me at [email protected] or go to the “Support me” link in the upper left corner and follow the instructions.
