I have heard countless biblical examples that have a core meaning of, “praising Him, even while suffering.” Even though I know that to be true, why didn’t I praise Him when I got the call?
I got a call that titled my three year struggle with joint pain. But it was a title that I didn’t like. Rheumatoid Arthritis is not only painful, but chronic. It is a disease that mistakenly attacks my own body’s tissues, and with that, it seems to be attacking my attitude and stomping all over my positivity.
Like I said, my response to the call, wasn’t praise. I lashed out. I was frustrated. I cried.
To take it a step further, my mind didn’t flash to how my illness won’t matter when I get a new body in heaven. No. It flashed to me no longer participating in The World Race. It flashed to me explaining to my future children why I can’t pick them up. It flashed to me erasing my goal of running a half marathon. It flashed to an image of myself as damaged, flawed, and useless.
Mayo clinic says, “there is no cure for rheumatoid arthritis.” With an answer like that, how am I supposed to not lash out, be frustrated, and cry? Well, the answer is: it is just simply not the answer.
Don’t we think God is bigger than Rheumatoid Arthritis? Jesus healed the blind, the sick, the deaf. This is nothing new to Him. He isn’t up in Heaven saying, “I don’t know Hil. I’ve healed many cases of leprosy, but this little joint pain really stumps me.” No.
But what if He doesn’t heal me, right? He doesn’t promise to take this off of my medical chart. He doesn’t promise that he will change my circumstances, but he does promise that He will change me in my circumstances, which will low-key be so much better.
Romans 8:30 says that I was predestined, I was called, I was justified, and I was glorified. And because of that, He knew that Rheumatoid Arthritis will be in the footnotes of my story, but when I remind myself of His truth, it is decided that it doesn’t have to be the content of my story.
He knew that I, along with so many others will experience trials, pain, and hardships, so He had it written in the Bible that, “for those who love God all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28) and that we can even find joy in suffering (James 1:2-3, Hebrews 10:34). Joy in suffering? Is He crazy? Yeah, He is crazy about us and He is in the business of healing and making things good.
How do I know that? He took Jesus’ crucifixion, the worst day in history, and made it Good Friday. He made the death and resurrection of Jesus to mark our saving grace, and it is called Good News. Coincidence? Nah.
So I’m bummed, but joyful. Because I’m human, but I’m also His daughter. I feel loss, but I win in the end because I get eternity with Jesus. I got the diagnosis of a chronic disease, but that only applies to here on Earth. Someday I will be up in Heaven, laughing at the moments that this arthritis thing prevented me from squeezing my toothpaste out of that stubborn tube.
