As promised, here are some of the biggest revelations I’ve had over the last 4 months of the Race. Like the title says, this is just part 1, so I’ll be posting a part 2 before the end of the month. In typing this, I realized I had so much to say that I just couldn’t type it all. If you read anything and want to hear more about it, feel free to reach out to me (email or Facebook)… I’d love to share!
God speaks to me
It is so hard for me to believe this sometimes. In general, I used to be pretty uncomfortable with the idea that tangible manifestations of the spirit exist. And to think that God speaks to us directly… well I had never experienced it for myself. Who’s to say he ever would? I was discussing my lack of hearing from the Lord with one of my squad leaders back in August and told her this: “I also have this piece of me that feels like I know it’s not going to happen. Not that I’m saying it’s not possible or doesn’t happen, but it feels more like I just don’t think God is going to choose to do that for me.” Then I came on the Race and I started doing something crazy… I started listening. Consistently. As I have chosen to ask God questions and to truly sit and listen, I’ve learned to hear his voice more and more. Even more, I’ve learned that he wants to speak to me. He wants to speak to us all. We just have to learn to listen. It has taken practice, patience, and most of all, obedience. If I think I hear something from the Lord, but then choose not to follow through with what he is telling me, then I’m never actually going to know if it was his voice that I heard or my own. A few days before coming to our ministry here in Botswana, one of my squad-mates prayed for me, after which she pulled me back, looked me in the eyes, and said: “He communicates with you very clearly.” I truly believe he does.
Fundraising is a blessing
Fundraising is hard and uncomfortable. If you read the blog I wrote back in March about how coming on the WR was stepping into my comfort zone, then you may remember my statement that the only part of this journey that felt uncomfortable to me was asking people for money. Nothing in me wanted to do that. But it has been So. Cool. to watch the Lord provide on my behalf. When I went to training camp back in August, I had raised about $7,500, and needed to be at $10,000 less than a month later. At this point, I felt as though I had exhausted almost every fundraising outlet I could think of and had no idea how I was going to come up with the rest of the money. I felt the Lord prompting me to get extra uncomfortable, and so I did. But even after all of my own efforts, I had still only received a handful of commitments to help me out. To be honest, I was feeling pretty low after doing almost everything I could think of and still wondering how I could possibly end up with the funding I needed to complete this journey. But then, when I checked my fundraising balance at the end of September, I had received more than $6,000 in donations in only one month! The most amazing part is that most of those donations came from people I had not reached out to at all, and some had even come from complete strangers! In the last 4 months, my squad and I have witnessed many similar stories of how the Lord has provided what seemed nearly impossible for our fellow squad mates. I would truly call it a blessing to have gotten the opportunity to get incredibly uncomfortable and watch the Lord provide more than I could have imagined in a way that was completely separate from my own efforts.
Vulnerability is powerful and it leads to freedom
One night in Nepal, my squad and I shared a night I don’t think any of us will ever forget. Our squad mentor, Fran, talked to us about vulnerability. She told us how powerful it is to share even the most shameful parts of yourself with people who not only refuse to judge you, but share that they are equally as hurt, broken, or lost as you are. She told us about a time she watched a girl stand on a chair and scream out some of her most painful secrets to release their power over her, and how witnessing the moment was like watching someone devour a giant piece of the most delicious cake she had ever seen, which made her want a piece of it as well. Then she did something terrifying: she opened the floor to us. For the next 2 hours, almost the entire squad stood up one by one telling of their struggles, doubts, fears, sins, insecurities, and much more. I don’t see a single one of my squad-mates as any less than I did before that night. On the contrary, I was in awe of the fearlessness of those around me. I couldn’t fathom being so bold. But dangit, I wanted a piece of that cake! I remember I couldn’t stop shaking when I stood up. Not only had I never shared this struggle with anyone, it was something that I was experiencing for the first time, and I had yet to process through it or overcome it. But I shared it nonetheless. And I wasn’t alone.
Ephesians 5:8-11 says, “for you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.”
I can no longer be taunted by my sin in shameful secrecy, because I exposed the unfruitful work Satan was doing in the darkness. I get to walk in the light and experience the gifts of truth, love, prayer, and so much more. Ever since I shared the misplaced desires I was dealing with, I’ve experienced so much freedom. I can confidently say that Satan lost so much power over us that night as we stood unified and stepped into the light.
Everywhere becomes home
I’m home right now. I’m half a world away from that river trail I love to run in the mornings, my family and friends, and Rich’s delicious lunch sandwiches at The Grind that he makes only so people will come in and discover that his coffee is also the best in town. I can’t stop in at Optical 101 on my way to High St. to chat with Sadi as she repairs someone’s glasses, or drive 5 minutes to Kroger to stock up on cliff bars, but right now I’m home. At the beginning of month 2, an extended separation from my team made me realize how much they make me feel at home. Since then, my team and I have learned the beautiful art of making home wherever we go – not just by emptying our packs and sleeping in the same spot every night, but by giving everything we have to dive into relationships with the people around us. We have developed a unique love for every place we have stayed and for each diverse group we have had the privilege of serving. It feels as though we have become a part of each place during our stay, and each place has become a part of us. Now I get to experience home everywhere I go.
We all want the same things
On our final day in Cambodia, as we sat in the airport waiting to check in for our departing flight, I had coffee with a squad-mate during which we discussed the things we have been learning lately and all the places we search for life apart from Jesus (She wrote this really great blog about how God has spoken to her through this struggle. You can read it here). We discussed how similar we are, then on top of that, how the two of us are just like everyone else. We are all the same. All our sins are just us choosing to seek life somewhere that isn’t from God and that doesn’t fall in line with the plan that He laid out for us. And this is what’s funny about it: when we do this, we’re seeking life and fulfillment, which are both good things God promises in abundance—we’re just seeking them in the wrong places. There is often so much shame in our sin, or so much judgment of other people because of their sin, when the bottom line is that all of those things are just different ways that we all act out one and the same sin—seeking life somewhere apart from God. Even as followers of Christ, we say we believe that only God can satisfy us, yet again and again we look for satisfaction that only God can provide in places that aren’t God. Then it’s so hard to turn away because a lot of those things feel like they’re really great too. But we’re being offered full life right at the source! I just don’t want to settle for anything less than receiving life and satisfaction directly from the source anymore.
