In my last blog I mentioned a little bit about my fear of snakes.
This is something that started a while back, I can’t tell you when it started. I felt like it slowly crawled up on me, first I just didn’t want to be around them, then it became that I couldn’t be around them. Slowly it became that I couldn’t see them on a video, and then pictures. If I did, I would have a panic attack (the whole not breathing thing), and don’t even get me started on if I saw one in person. I would have nightmares about them, I’d be in my room and they would be trying to slither in through any open openings – doors, windows and holes in the wall.
There was one time I was on a walk with a friend and I saw a snake – it was probably only a gardener snake, but it was like my body shut down. My vision went black. I could no longer think. I screamed. I started to run. I ran across the road, as far away as I could get from that devil.
It went so far that I couldn’t even talk about it, or if somebody brought it up I would shut down. I would do anything to avoid being around snakes. I tried to avoid the areas around my house that I knew had snakes, I refused to go on hikes.
It would not be lying when I say that my fear controlled me.
I didn’t even know how to bring this into the light, I had no idea how to deal with it. I know the verse so well that says “perfect love casts out all fear”, but I struggled to understand how that could work because I was still scared.
Does that mean that I am not experiencing the fullness of His love?
The soul care in my last blog was the turning point (Click here to read my last blog!). I finally understood that God is there in my fears, even fears that have jurisdiction over me.
My friend pointed out that in my memory when I felt so close to God, the image of the snake did not impact the closeness I felt to God. It was still a memory filled with the overwhelming presence of God. Snakes that caused instant and constant fear that consumed me, was still no match for him.
“You have no rival
You have no equal
Now an forever God you reign
Yours is the kingdom
Yours is the glory
Yours is the name above all names”
What a Beautiful Name – Hillsong Worship
Ever after my soul care session, we worked through some really tough memories where I didn’t think God was present, where love breathed on my valleys of death and were transformed into a flourishing valley.
In the days/weeks shortly after this I still had some dreams about snakes, BUT THEY WERE ALWAYS LEAVING THE ROOM! And I have not had dreams about them for a while.
I was able to watch all the Harry Potter movies without anxiety, and in the house we are staying in at debrief there are even posters of snakes.
There is no fear, even crippling and all-consuming fear that is too large for God. I knew that there was no fear that could not be expelled by his love, I had full faith that he could heal me from this. I want to encourage you in this way, if God could heal a fear that completely controlled my life, he could also heal yours.
