During our Ireland debrief we had an exercise where we had to write down the things, or thing, that are keeping us from going deeper with God. What is holding us back? What is the wall that we keep hitting? What is it we are not surrendering to God? While I sat there trying to figure out what it was, it wasn’t until I actually stopped thinking that abandonment came up. I sat there and starting thinking why abandonment? I cannot understand why my family abandoned my sister and me. I then realized that I am actually afraid of abandonment. It is because of abandonment, my fear of being left, that I aim to please people. There have been a lot of people who have come in and out of my life and for some reason I take their absence to heart.
After voicing my fear, I faced it head on. I felt abandoned. I took some time with God. I did not realize how hurt I was until I started journaling. I was truly hurt and it was painful. I remember telling myself that I never want to feel like that again and here I am. I am going to close up and never let anyone know what I am going through or trust anyone with my heart.
After spending some time with Jesus, I’ve learned that people come and go in our lives. Some stay and others leave. I made a promise to myself that no matter who encounters me, they will leave never being the same. They will leave knowing that Jesus loves them and that my love for them is unconditional. The things we go through in life defines who we are and how we deal with things. My go-to is to close up and handle it myself because there have been too many times where I’ve been hurt. The worst abandonment is when you are abandoned by your loved ones. I don’t want abandonment to define me. I am happy to say that abandonment no longer has a hold on me. Abandonment is no longer my fear. Abandonment is my strength.
Northern Ireland was like being back home in the States. We worked with the Vineyard Church, and I am eager to go back home and share with the church that outreach is the best way to reach the people. Yes, I understand we need to invite them to church, but I would like to build a relationship with them. I want to go out and tell them what Jesus has done for me and then invite them to the church. We have the mind set that it is the pastor’s job to get them saved when, in reality, we have the ability to do it.
I would like to ask strangers, more often, if they have anything they would like me to pray for them about. I would like to step out and share what I’ve found: a love like no other, acceptance like never before, a peace that never ceases, a joy that is restful and a relationship that keeps giving. While serving with Vineyard, we went out to the community and passed out flyers for the church’s Easter Sunday service and asked people if they would like us to pray for them. While doing this we had a young man who is struggling with drug addiction ask Jesus into his heart. I had the opportunity to work with a Recovery program, a food bank, the Wearhouse (clothes bank), cleaning the church, sermon transcription, prayer walks, administrative work, nursery, catering an appreciation event, and working in the yard at a house for recovering addicts and those needing a home. We also helped with a car-boot sale, which is a massive garage sale on the church grounds with over 300 vendors. The proceeds went to the 22 different ministries that the Vineyard Compassion has.
Rachael, Ashley and I had lunch with this lovely couple, the Leckeys. They are such a fun and loving couple. They treated us like their own. The food, laughs, company and silliness was so awesome. We also met their friends the Evans. We were able to visit different famous sites in Ireland. Our time in Ireland was very tiring and yet rewarding.
