This past weekend….I got hit hard. It was one thing right after the other. It was as though everything piled on me
at once. I was angry. I was angry at Jesus. I played the quiet game with Him. I sulked and crossed my hands and
didn’t speak, though I had questions.
I didn’t want anything to with Him. The next morning, I begrudgingly went to work, knowing that
we had Monday morning worship. The
LAST thing I wanted to do was worship.
I had nothing to say. I
didn’t want to speak.
Now, I know myself well enough to know that when I get like
that, He always brings me back. I
also knew that a broken moment was coming…..it always does. It was coming, the moment where He
speaks to me so much louder and I try and close up so hard that all of a
sudden….its All released. This
means that tears, and snot and makeup everywhere ….ha ….I knew it was
coming. It sure did. I walked into the room and did
literally stood with my arms crossed, like a little girl who is mad at her daddy. I was definitely mad at my Heavenly
Daddy. I stood there, arms
crossed….not budging. Then it hit. I RAN to the bathroom, grabbed tissues
and began weeping uncontrollably.
It was not a pretty sight.
I hid for a bit and finally started to open up. I checked my makeup and sure
enough….my face was stained with mascara.
It took me all day of sharing my heart a little at a time with Him, on
the verge of tears.
That night, was a night of Worship….ha of course. I was still in the middle of letting
go. I kept looking at the problems
and they got so much bigger. As
the room was filled with singing, I started writing frantically….I am not much
of a journaler. I wanted to
release them….but kept holding tightly.
Finally, God spoke.
He said “Don’t
let Satan steal your joy. You know
I always provide and you always feel silly when I do. So spare yourself of
that. Satan can’t take what you
are not willing to give him. So do
not choose to give him your joy.”
Finally, I was completely released. Released! He will fix my guitar, restore relationships, and all the
other things that I am asking for.
He will PROVIDE!
I quickly remembered that a place of worship is my favorite
place to be and I was letting Satan take that away.
Lesson Learned:
Be thankful, even when you don’t feel like it. Worship when you’re angry.
Do not give away your joy!
