I am NOT an anorexic….
I am NOT depression….
I am NOT a people pleaser…
I am NOT Happy Helen…
I am NOT who you think I am….
My whole life I struggled with living with in these
standards. I have let them define
me. I have let them at one point become norms in my life. I have watched too many women fall into
these things. I have talked to too
many women that think they have to live with DEPRESSION. I say HECK NO!!
A few years ago, as in exactly 7 years ago, I was diagnosed
with Anorexia Nervosa. I sat in a
gynecologists’ office, with my mom, scared to death as the doctor told me why my body was not functioning correctly anymore.
I will never forget that conversation, where the doctor said it so
bluntly as though it was nothing, as though it was simple. I will never forget that day
that I found out what was wrong
with me. Why I had whittled down
to a mere 106 lbs.
Dr.: You know
you are too skinny?
Me: Yes.
Dr.: Why don’t
you put some weight on?
Me: I am just afraid of gaining too much back.
Dr.: You have
Anorexia Nervosa.
Me:
really? What? Huh.
It was like a stamp had been pounded on my forehead, like I
had been labeled. I could
not even comprehend at the time what this meant. I quickly found myself in a living, personal hell. I wanted to stay the way I was, but
then when people kept telling me I had lost too much weight…it hurt. I kept being told “you are too skinny�
…. “you have lost too much weight�
…. “All you need to do is eat and you will be fine� ….little did anyone
know….this was a heart issue. More
so….this was an IDENTITY issue.
I began seeing psychologists, counselors, nutritionists,
therapy groups, anything to help “fix� me. One particular psychologist was really blunt and really
right on target. After a couple of
sessions he looked me straight in the eye and said “Yes you have an eating
disorder but you also have an Identity disorder. You don’t know
where your mom ends and you begin.
You want to please her and other people so badly that you don’t know who
you are.�
In that very moment I heard the Lord tell me…”You must
follow me�
Though I disagreed with my psychologist, he was right on target.
As I had just began to walk with the Lord merely 6 months prior, I
discredited the secular doctor immediately.
Anorexia became my name, it became who I was….it became my identity.
The Lord took me on a LONG journey. He took me to places I had never seen. He Spoke to me clearly. He taught me the truth of my identity. The moment that I began to believe and walk in the truths of who I am was the moment I found freedom!!
I soon realized…..This is choice…..a choice of what to believe
a choice of how to stand….
a choice of LIFE or death
I have a daily choice to make, to believe the lies that SATAN is ALWAYS going to feed me, or stand in the Truth of who the LORD says I am.
What will you CHOOSE to believe?
YOU are HIS.
YOU are REDEEMED
YOU are Christ’s Ambassador
YOU are Free from ALL condemnation.
YOU are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made
YOU are LOVED beyond all measure
YOU are a temple of the Holy Spirit
You ARE the righteousness of God.
