Yes, it’s true. The girl who would not eat if a fork that touched meat
touched her food has consumed meat this week. Was I forced? No. Was I
convicted? Yes.
nothing. I am not entitled to eating the foods I want. I am not entitled to
having the teammates I want. I am not entitled to personal space or time, nor
am I entitled to go to the countries I anticipate going to. Saturday night I
was convicted and chose to challenge myself to these things, and let me tell
you: IT’S NOT EASY! Gagging over fish-goo-gunk (no, literally dry heaving at
the table), feeling my heart beat with irrational rage as my sleeping pad had
someone else’s wet, dirty clothes sitting on it and having to repent and pray
for God’s grace, and over and over again praying to God “Your will, not
mine.”
It’s not easy, but it feels right. God’s truth, God’s love is present when
I choose to eat the meal prepared for me, when I choose to love whoever God
places on my team, and when I choose to honor people over than things (yes,
even my pretty new things from REI).
I am wondering what this means for the month I go home before I leave for
the Philippines. Do I see myself chowing down on meat? Maybe. I definitely see myself
working on letting go of the things I feel entitled to. Mom: I am not entitled
to my bed. I am not entitled to my room. Use it while I’m gone (and you have
permission to reference this blog without me exploding. No really, I
promise). 🙂
I am not entitled. I am called. Called to serve God, called to love others,
called to surrender my will to God. I am called to feed starving orphans,
called to hold people breathing in their
last breath as they die of AIDS, and called to minister to prostitutes in the
bars of Thailand. I am called to lay hands on the sick and call upon the Holy
Spirit to heal them. I am called to be the hand and feet of God and to show His
people that He has been there all along. When I think of all I’m called to, it
seems laughable to feel entitled to anything at all, though I know it will
continue to be a struggle.
What entitlements do YOU need to hand over to God? What are you called to
surrender?
