Going into this, I had no idea how difficult it would be to trust that God will provide the financial resources needed for this trip. Teaching in St. Louis has magnified some of my personality traits, both good and bad. One of the not so good ones: I can be a control freak . If I study enough, I will get A’s in my grad courses. If I have good classroom management and show my students love and respect, I will have a good culture in my classroom. If I hold high expectations and create engaging science lessons, my students will achieve.
So despite telling myself that I was “trusting God,” what my mind was really thinking was: If I do enough planning and have enough support raising ideas going on, my trip will get funded. But like in other areas of my life, when I try to maintain control rather than surrendering control to God, worry and anxiety fill my heart. I wasn’t just working to support raise, I was worrying about it constantly .
Of course the sermon this past week was about finances. Funny how God finds ways of continually trying to steer us toward the right path even with our stubborn, willful ways.
So what has God revealed to me? That I need to find a way to work without worrying. I need to learn how to do work, while handing over control to God. I need to learn what it means to fully trust God. I asked myself on Sunday, “When have you ever had to fully rely on God? When have you ever had to truly trust others?”
I’m still trying to answer that one. Maybe there is no answer. Maybe the World Race will be my answer.
And what happened yesterday? I found out that over the past month I have had $653 dollars donated to me from friends and neighbors! Praise be to God. It wasn’t until I acknowledged that it is not my efforts, but God’s goodness that will let this trip be funded. I cannot have any pride in raising this money, but to God be the glory.
There’s so much more to go, but I trust God will provide. $653 down, $13,647 to go.
